Let me start to introduce myself by telling you that my PMO-addiction is way superior to your PMO-addiction! I am like the 1%-er in MC-gangs (without the cool bike). Fapping 10 hours straight is nothing to me. The escalation thing went through the roof years ago. Im 32 years old now and boy am I fighting this battle hard!
It bugs me that people can’t differentiate between a bad habbit and an actual addiction. If your first few attempts resulted in streaks of several weeks, chances are, you have never been severely addicted in the first place, hence the benefits are not as noticeable as for hardcore-users.
If I don’t fap for a week, I’m a WRECK. I can only get through the day by sleeping through it. I can’t even function properly anymore and I get extremely angry for no reason.
Fapping was my tool to cope with a crazy childhood. My (Christian) family fled from a Muslim asshole-country. Several of my family members died due to accidents and illness before I turned 18. Fapping does a great job in making you numb to all of that.
I also compensated by training like a beast, getting all that anger out, so I managed to attract girls from time to time, even models, but I always stopped just before the act – I did not want to let somebody close to me emotionally so I stayed virgin until 23.
Managed to find a very nice human being who I could trust, she opened my heart and forgave me for all the dark things which came out of it. She was my first and I was hers. Been together since then. Would probably be in jail now without her, like almost all of my childhood friends. Instead I worked some dumbass jobs which tortured me mentally. Working 60 hours a week for 500€ fading away at night to the sound of my foreskin giving applause to the absurdity of life, with the smell of semen-flavored shame in the air.
In deep desperation about my daily working conditions, I grabbed the last possibility to do something else despite further developing my criminal side business – and went back to school. My boss laughed at me the day I quit, telling me I would crawl back to him soon. Pretty cliché actually.
Gave up my criminal activities and went to school anyways. It was all in – and I failed miserably. Maths was giving me a hard time. Plus I had more time to fap now, so I did. Still, I couldn’t get back to that soul-sucking job so I managed to get a second chance at the same school. I was put in class with handicapped people – the next low point.
Despite all the hours fapping, I managed to put more time into school. Got an average degree and applied for University (Engineering). The first time, my interest for porn was actually helpful. I was keen to learn more about computer sciences to find better ways of getting more porn. Still, the fapping kept my potential very insufficient. Two years in, I was about to drop out. Then the miracle began.
I stumbled upon a reference to “your brain on porn”. It was a true revelation. Gary Wilson is the only hero I will ever admire. I never would have guessed that porn itself is causing the cravings for more porn and that this is not an authentically inherent need.
This was about two years ago. Guess what happened next? I tried to stop masturbating, which was of course impossible at this point, after 15 years of masturbating 2 to 10 hours daily. But I managed to reduce it to bingeing once a week.
Within two years, I became one of the best students at University. My body was well accustomed to staying up all night, highly concentrated on a screen, forgetting to even eat regularly. But now I would stare at physical calculations instead of porn with the same endurance. My ability to abstract and concentrate got to a whole new level. I lost my interest for computer sciences and went for classical physics instead. Because of my excellent degree and academical references, I got a high-paying, wonderful job in astro-physics and am now doing research on the development of black holes. This would never have been possible whilst maintaining a PMO addiction and dropping out of university.
My next step is trying to give it up completely. It’s unreal how hard it is. After about one week, I get mentally unstable. Emotions appear, which I really don’t want to deal with. The anger is so severe that I have to train several hours a day to not start smashing things. It is pure insanity.
I also had a heart condition, cardiac arrhythmia, for more than 10 years. My heart would unexpectedly stop for several seconds, then pumping like all crazy, then stop again. Mind you, I was in decent physical health condition, so I simply ignored it. Eventually, my gf made me go see a doctor, a well known specialist actually, everything was fine on the cardiovascular side, so I kept ignoring it. After the first few months of nofap, I noticed that I haven’t had those malfunctions anymore for a long time. Now, at this point, it just vanished, comes back only while bingeing. Same thing goes for muscle tweaking during training and skin-problems.
After 15 years of a “semi-life”, I can now glance at what happiness feels like. Nofap never gave me superpowers; it just made my favorite hiding-place less appealing.
by vadata
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