Age 32 – I want the real thing in every aspect of my life


The last time I jerked off was on decembre, 30, 2015. On decembre, 31 I said to myself jokingly ‘Why don’t you quit masturbating for a year?’. The answer was also jokingly: ‘Challenge accepted’. Since then I worked my way through 120 days plus of not ejaculating.

I often questioned myself. I was never addicted to pornography, so I thought ‘why do this, it’s stupid’. The answer for me is: NoFap is a great way to find myself. While I masturbated frequently I sort of lived my life from a distance. Masturbation is a nice and strange way of saying ‘You’re fine. Everything is okay’. Since the end of last year I am confronted with a lot of problems and emotions I didn’t want to see, I didn’t know that they existed or that I have to overcome to reach the ‘next level’. Nothing is okay.

A few days ago I opened a tab with my favourite porn site and started the trailer of that web site. A minute and a few licked and penetrated vaginas in I realized something.

I don’t want this. I want the real thing. And that doesn’t mean sex or a woman. I want the real thing in every aspect of my life. I want the next-level shit. I want the human experience.

Now, I’m scared as a human being could ever be. But somewhere in the back of my mind I think and knwo the remaining 246 days of NoFap this year will do their best in unscaring me and help me to live a life where I can finally say ‘Things are okay’.

I hope this helps someone.

For all those struggling two short tips:

– Start writing morning pages. Period. It’s sometimes very unpleasant but start right now and thank me later. Or don’t thank me at all, just do it! Do it! Are you still sitting here? Do it. Just write down what’s on your mind, every thought you have in that moment like a stream of consciousness. Take three pages right after you get out of bed and start writing. Put the pencil aside when you have finished. If a thought repeats Just write down what’s on your mind, every thought you have in that moment like a stream of consciousness. If a thought repeats itself in your mind do the same thing on the page. I would recommend buying Julia Cameron’s ‘The Artist’s Way’. There’s a good explanation in it and it is a very good program to unlock creativity and your life.

– Don’t edge. Don’t make your goal ‘I don’t masturbate for x days’. Make your goal ‘I don’t touch my penis for sexual reasons for x days’. Look for someone who does that for you ;-).


This is not my first attempt. I came in contact with NoFap about two and a half years ago. I immediately got a 96 day streak. At the end of that year I got on a 60 day streak and in between I had quite a few one or two week streaks. I have never been addicted to pornography before that time and I didn’t watch a lot pornography over the last years. So yes, I had an ‘advantage’ over a lot of guys here. But I think this is not about advantages. What a 120 days streak is for me might be a five day streak for you. We’re all on different journeys! Don’t forget that. Just stay on it and do YOUR thing.

I’m 32. I lived more or less pornless for about two years and then started my actual streak. The thing is, giving up porn is important because it fucks up how you see other human beings. Giving up masturbation is a pretty good thing because you start getting in contact with your emotions (that was the thing in my case).

  • I eat meat. If you look for a diet to support NoFap do one that doesn’t fuck up your insulin (like Paleo e.g.). For more on this: Roy Baumeister, ‘Willpower’ – it’s a book.
  • No wet dreams so far.
  • 32.
  • When I watched porn I jerked off to it and then did something completely different :-). How often on a day depended on my mood and the time I had. Sometimes once a day. Sometimes two to three times. Occasionally I did that four times – but not very often. I never really binged on porn i.e. going for multiple rounds in one session.
  • I’m an atheist.

That high confidence thing is cyclical. The past view days I have been eyefucked by a few girls. One week ago, I was like air for them. It changes but that’s okay. I’m an adult man, I don’t need women’s approval to feel good :-).

LINK – 120+ days in – insights

By Newsletteradress