I’m 32 right now. I’ve been single for about 2.5 years. Before that, I had 2 girlfriends (with almost no break in between them) from 22 to 30 years old. But yeah, I’ve been PMOing for almost 20 years, (although porn was harder to get by when I was 12-17yo).
So, I started nofap 2 months ago. My goal was to get a better sexual drive, get my confidence with women back, re-wire my brain so that I could have more satisfactory sex.
Before I started nofap, I was a victim of the death grip / DE. I had a very hard time finishing with girls. I really got tired to using excuses like “but I hate condomsI”, “sorry, I’ve drank way too much booze*” etc. That really was my main motivation. It was so frustrating. I had a sex-buddy who would understand and just let me finish manually over her, but man it still sucked and I still felt like shit and just a lesser man every time that would happen.
During my previous long-term relations, I also believed/thought I had a small libido: having sex one or twice per week was enough for me (of course I was PMOing a couple time). Today I know it’s all because of the porn: my standards were stupidly high, my desires were altered by all the porn I watched, etc.
I also realized that, every beginning of a relationship I wouldn’t use porn as much. My new girl and I would have plenty of sex (at least once every day). Then some weeks/months later, for some stupid reason I would get turned down, and it resulted in me going back to porn more and more, through some binge sessions when my girl was away or unavailable, you get the picture. Then, slowly but surely, we would have sex less often, until we broke up. This happened for every one of the relationship I had. And I now realize it’s a huge part of why those relationships failed; that porn you watch is such a sneaky bastard.
Fast forward today. Sixty-four days later, I can assurely say that nofap has changed everything.
As I said earlier, I’ve been single for 2.5 years. Before I started nofap, I would very rarely meet girl and spend sometimes months without real sex, and it would be frustratingly bad too!
Now, in the last 2 months, I’ve been with 4 different girls, 2 of them whom I frequented a couple weeks. For me, that’s like fucking revolving doors. I’ve gotten very confident around women, naturally pleasing and charming to the point they make moves on me all the time. It’s fucking weird how things have changed. Not fapping makes me super calm, relaxed and honest. I can focus on them, give them the attention they need, and not care if I’ll bed them or not. They feel that calm confidence and they start doing the chasing. Yet, I’m horny most of the time. Oh the irony.
Oh, another thing I noticed with girls. I’m a super honest person, so most of the time I tell them straight up about the nofap thing and how it changed my life and it inherently turns them on instantly, I swear.
Now for the ugly side of the story. I’ve been seeing some girl for 2-3 weeks. Let’s call her Anna. I also met another girl, let’s call her Betty. I explained the whole thing to her and I was honest about not being available (because i’m seeing Anna, obviously). Betty and I decided to just stay friends and she became a very good confident. She helped me realize that I don’t and probably never will love Anna. In fact, I probably only see Anna because we have amazing sex (and she has an insanely hot body), and because I can’t stand not having sex at all. That being said, I know Betty’s into me (friendship between opposite sex rarely ever exists, IMO).
This is was have me doubting the whole thing. Sure I get more satisfactory sex, and I’m more confident, etc etc. but I’ve been doing this to the expense of other people’s feeling. I’m afraid my own need for sex, caused by nofap, will hurt Anna, Betty, and potentially other girls (man, I feel like I could do the whole alphabet this summer, lol! just kidding).
Like I said though, I’m a very honest person, I rarely lie (and hate it when I do it, even white lies). I’m also honest about my feelings, but I’ve been guilty of not stoping an unsustainable relationship (in which Anna is really getting into me) because I need the sex, which makes me a horrible person (in my opinion).
What should I do? I know I can’t go monk-mode for months, it’s NOT what I want. Yet, love is so hard to find. And girls around my age are not looking for fuckfriends as much, they want the future father of their upcoming children (it’s fucking crazy how they only think about that).
Started nofap 64 days ago. It’s awesome, and it works. Makes me confident and more attractive to women. I even actually have women chasing after me for the first time of my life. Sex is much better. Yet, out of everything good can rise something bad; i feel like a manipulative asshole that will hurt others feelings because of my own, selfish and instinctive/beastly need for sex.