It was December, 2013. I was frustrated. I was finding it hard to concentrate and focus. I knew there was a New Year coming and I wanted to nip this problem in the bud once and for all. I Googled something like: “how to get an erection back”
And stumbled on YBOP and subsequently /r/NoFap, and started reading. I was blown away by concepts such rebooting, PMO, edging, and PIED, and relieved to discover that there were other people out there in a community that were working together on fighting against porn and its damaging effects.
And now I’m here about 1,000 days later, and thought I would share my story.
I’m 32, and fapped to porn once (or twice) a day for at least 12 years. I was probably lighter on when I started, had a serious girlfriend around 18-20 where I didn’t much, and then really fell into a spiral from 21 onwards. By the time I was 29, I had death grip, was chasing that perfect scene in each session, and alarmingly – hadn’t had a real romantic connection with a partner in all that time. Even worse, when there was a chance of romance – I couldn’t perform sexually and had next to zero explanation for it. It was mind-boggling to me that I could get it up alone in my bedroom, but not for a sexual partner when I wanted it to.
Complicating it even further, was my bisexuality – do I like girls? Do I like guys? What the hell is wrong with me, I can’t get it up for either!
And then I started reading about porn addiction and things finally started to make sense. Essentially it seemed, your brain wires an association with the graphic, rather than the real thing, and in cases like mine it can have real damage. Great, I thought. What’s the solution?
The “reboot” process is a long, but ultimately rewarding path. I remember being put off by the thought of 30 days of abstinence, and 90 days seemed like a pipe dream. But I had to do this, and focus on my self I did.
There were a lot of false starts. I’d generally hit a milestone of abstinence, lapse, get pissed at myself and binge, and then start again. But slowly, over time, I got better at recognizing what worked and what didn’t, I did less of what didn’t, and more of what did. Treating myself with kindness, I was able to keep going. I hit a year milestone and did a write-up.
Fast-forward to today, I’m running, engaged to my fiancée, have a stable job and life, and porn is a distant memory. I’ve really taken to personal development and am trying to be a better person in all sorts of different ways.
It’ll never completely go away, but you’ll be far more balanced, equipped, and in control of your life to stop those urges.
Best wishes to you all – it gets better!