Background: I’m a 32 yr old male. Hadn’t had sex since my last ex which was 6 years ago. I’ve been single for the past 6 years. I’ve been viewing porn since the age of about 18. It gradually increased as the years went along. 18-25: I viewed and jerked casually, (anywhere from 1-2 times/week). It would’ve been a lot more, had it not been for slow-speed interned at the time and lack of sites like today.
This kept me from going too much on the deep-end; 25-32: I jerked off almost every other day. I would say I averaged anywhere between 4-5 times per week. In this timespan, I viewed multiple sites on a routine basis. I also started going to str**p clubs more and more routinely as it was another form of dopamine high for me. I still had a social life and went on dates here and there, but I didn’t have a strong drive because I was getting it through jerking off.
3.5 Months Ago: Truthfully, I didn’t even know I had a problem, mainly because I hadn’t had sex since I was 25. I would still pop boners here and there (though not strong) when I would go to a strp club or get encountered in a situation, but they were not too often or too strong. I thought everything was fine because I would still pop boners and loved porn. I ONLY found out I had a problem when I started dating my new girlfriend. It was about 4 or 5 months into our relationship when we finally tried to have sex. To my surprise, although I did have an erection prior to our intercourse, I could not maintain it the moment I penetrated. It wasn’t arousing to me. We tried for about three weeks and every time it didn’t work.
It was the most embarrassing/humiliating/gut-wrenching feeling a man can ever have. I truly though I would lose my GF because of this. We talked and she was obviously extremely self-conscious/upset/angry/ at me. I told her that we needed a long break and told her my problem. It wasn’t easy, but it had to be done so she could understand.
Solution: I found through internet research, that my problem was most likely related to my po$$rn addiction. I did a lottttt of research and believed this to be the core cause of the problem. I deleted every single scene I had favorited on my computer, all my websites. I also un-followed every single model or edgy girl on Instagram and decided I would go hard-mode and full cold-turkey. It wasn’t easy and I also encountered the flat-line period many talk about. However, as time went on, it got easier and easier.
Through this time, I also was re-wiring with my GF. I found that the longer I went without viewing/masturbating to po$rn, the more I was sensitized to touch with my girl. We would kiss or sometimes touch one another at times, and I would get an erection. This was never the case before. I believed this was a very good sign and there was a high likelihood that I was cured, but obviously couldn’t fully say I was because the true test would ONLY come through sex. After 14 weeks, we decided to try again during a vacation. The first time, I again could not get it to work. I had an erection but it still didn’t last long enough. However, on our second try, I was able to fully maintain an erection and cum. We have been having successful sex for 5 weeks now and no problem. Each week, it gets better and better.
The journey was not easy, not from the physical aspect of withdrawal of porn/masturbation (that goes away quickly after a few weeks) but the mental part. The mental part is the most difficult because you can lose confidence in yourself, go through a flat-line period as most encounter and the mental aspect of over-analyzing and worrying how long will this take to cure or will this ever be cured?? It really was the scariest part in the journey for me. I waited 14 weeks, but I’m pretty sure if I had tried earlier, I would’ve had successful sex too based on signs I was experiencing with more frequent erections, but was too afraid to for fear of having the same failure.
Bottom line, everyone can heal. You just have to stick with it. Trust me, I thought I would never get to this stage. I couldn’t even think of going a day or two without masturbation or porn, and now, I have 0 urges. Some people may heal a lot quicker and some a lot later. Mine was 14 weeks/3 months. Just stick to it. The best thing is to cut out ALL forms of dopamine highs. The obvious being porn but I would also cut out masturbation, and take it one step further as I did, and cut out all imagery as well. If you guys have any questions, feel free to ask.