Age 33 – Balls full of rocket fuel gave me the extra energy to put thought into action

I finally made it to 90 days with no PMO. It took me over a year to accomplish this. Last year I relapsed on day 88 due to edging. Then several months of smaller streaks of 4-10 days before this one began.

Some things I’ve done during the last 90 days which have been helpful:

–Working out. I have channeled a lot of energy and frustration into a consistent routine of lifting weights 3x per week and going for long walks on days between. My physique is visibly better and I have gained a few pounds of muscle while losing some belly fat. ——Also – doing Kegels. I have gained a lot of control over that region by doing these every day. My flaccid size has increased and my sack is less limp and flappy. Erections are fuller and harder, and I can actually Kegel them away if necessary to prevent a potential edging session.

–Joining a meditation center. There’s a place near my house that has free meditation sessions on Sunday nights, and I have been going every week. I also meditate at home whenever I can, but actually going to a place with other people forces you to do it longer and more deeply.

–Joining Toastmasters. I went on Meetup, found the nearest Toastmasters club, and went to a meeting. You can go to meetings for free as a guest any time, as many times as you like, and can participate in the meetings. I have been going every week and have given two speeches so far. This organization is tremendously helpful for social anxiety and they are very supportive. Highly recommended.

–Keeping a journal. As I go back and look through my older journal entries, I am shocked by the level of depression and self-hate I have been showing. I wrote such awful things it shocked me. If I had read the same things in somebody else’s journal, I would feel very sad for that person. It made me realize what horrible care of I have taken of myself over the years. Writing a journal can help you to be your own therapist. ——Also keeping a journal of my dreams. Since starting NoFap, I have had some intense and vivid dreams, some with very profound meanings behind them. Some have just been awesome fun adventures. The more I write my dreams down, the more of them I have.

–Quitting weed. I used to get high every single day and it made me into a sloppy person. Yes there are people who can do that without becoming sloppy, but I’m not one of those people. My mind has been a lot sharper lately.

–Quitting video games. This was essentially another drug for me, just like weed and PMO – an escape, a way to stimulate myself and pass the time without having to face reality. Again, there are people who can balance video games and life, but personally I was using them in an unhealthy way as an escape. I played a lot of shooters like Planetside and Battlefield. This type of game can really overstimulate your nervous system even if you don’t realize it. I found after quitting I was calmer and more steady, and my temper was less volatile.

–No edging. No morning wood exploring or boner admiring either. During previous streaks I would be like “damn that’s a badass boner, let me just check that out a bit,” and suddenly I’d be edging on my way to relapse. Just put it away and carry on.

–No phone or iPad in bed. If I allow myself to have phone/tablet in bed, I end up staying awake long into the night with blue light in my face delaying sleep. I end up staying in bed too long in the morning watching Youtube and reading forums instead of just getting up. ——Also maintaining good “sleep hygiene” – keeping the sheets clean and bed well-made, no heavy food before bedtime, going to bed early and waking up early. Not sleeping naked because it’s a huge invitation for a half-conscious middle-of-the-night fap session.

–Getting out of the house. I started taking myself out for a nice meal once or twice a week. Hanging out in a coffee shop instead of sitting at home. Going for a walk in the park.

These are all things I did one by one, adding into my routine (or removing from it), out of a necessity to keep my streak going. Together it has all been extremely helpful. These are things I wish I had done regardless of NoFap, but having my balls full of rocket fuel gave me the extra energy to put thought into action.

Many delusions have fallen from my eyes. Removing all of the distractions has caused me to see myself objectively, and I was shocked at what I allowed myself to become. I was/am a selfish, self-centered, manipulative, disrespectful, dishonest man-child. Somehow I never realized what a jerk I have been to people, and I always felt like it was me who was the victim all the time. It was a difficult thing to admit to myself that I was engaging in these behaviors, but I forced myself to, and have begun the healing process. I have gained a lot more self-respect and self-control.

I can tell that I still have a very long way to go. I have PMO’d for so many years that 90 days isn’t enough for a reset, but I feel that I have gained a firm foothold on the path to a better life as a better person.

LINK – 90 Days of Reality

by joec388