I started Nofap in august, did a 45 days streak (on hardmode), binged for a week, then decided to try monkmode, which seems to be working fine. At day 100 I can say I have almost completely forgot about porn. Apparté : all the benefits I experienced came much faster during my first streak than during the second (after the binging). What came in two weeks at first came back in a month or more after binging. So, be careful with binging. If you relapse, don’t do it.
First let me say that English is not my native language, so don’t expect too much in this regard. So what did I experience? Let’s start with the bad:
- Blue balls for a few days around day 10 (totally manageable).
- Having to pee excess seminal fluids. This is actually the worst drawback I got from Nofap. Far worse than blueballs.
- Intrusive sexual thoughts I had to cast away regularly. But the thoughts were not centered around acts or bodyparts, and they didn’t involve non-irl girls, as it used to; it was mostly about seducing real girls who popped up on my radar, up to making out. Yes, I now fantasize about just making out (how fucked up is that ?).
And most of the benefits listed on this sub:
- Morning, nocturnal and diurnal woods came back.
- More time, motivation, energy and less procrastination.
- More social aggression and charisma. Social interactions being overall more enjoyable. Actually, being social has become a need.
- My ability to remember my dreams came back.
- Completely forgot about porn. Porn-acquired tastes fading away. I can now get turned on by a single smile (even by an ugly girl).
- Activities like listening to music, eating, etc., became a lot more enjoyable. I even had a gustative orgasm while eating cheese (with tears of pleasure). I can also get simili-orgasms by eating chocolates (don’t know if it’s still monkmode if I get off like that, but whatever…).
- Speaking of tears, I can now cry at will, like a skilled woman, which is weird. I’ve become so easily movable I think I cried more during these three months than in all my life. Music, cinema, literature… If it pushes the right buttons, I cry.
About wet dreams
I had none but several times it was very close to happen. So, how come I didn’t have any. I think it has to do with monkmode. When my eyes are drawned to a sexual stimuli, on a screen or irl, I make the effort not to look. And that’s exactly what I do in my dreams, without being conscious. I don’t know I’m in a dream so I treat the stimuli like I would treat it IRL. At first, the dreams were basically me, jerking off to porn, so my dream-self would just forbide himself to relapse. But recently, my dreams have reverted back to normal sexual dreams, the kind I had pre-porn, and that’s a lot tougher to control. Luckily, when I’m about to come, I get semi-conscious enough to be able to stop it. This is what, for the moment, has worked for me, but I forgot to say that I practiced lucid dreaming years ago, which could explain why I managed not to have any. The fact that I’m 33-years-old is also probably relevant.
The one beer
At day 90, I decided to celebrate my successful reboot by opening a beer. I put one my favorites albums and I had one of most intense trip – if not the most – I ever had. One beer, yes.
I’m sure a lot of the young guys here will be interested in this topic. So, did I notice a change?
At the height of my PMO addiction, I still had girls that were interested in me but they were very obvious in the signals they made (greeting me by waving, languid side-glance smiles) and it was for sure premeditated. It also came from attractive girls in their early twenties in low-paying jobs (nurse, cashier, etc.).
Whereas now, it’s a lot different. First, I’ve had IOI’s from a much wider variety of ages (16-40), way more average in looks but that’s okay and, most importantly, it seems to be out of their control. Example, a girl smiling automatically after making eye contact, then looking at her shoes with a look that said “what did I just do?”. I didn’t even have time to smile back. I’ve also had girls having difficulty to find their words or misusing words while talking to me, which is quite funny to witness. Some girls were obviously quite nervous while interacting with me.
My behaviour also changed a lot. Before I was mostly indifferent. Now, my brain pushes me to get the chemical highs I had before through interactions with real women. For example, it makes me flirt automatically when I interact with women I find attractive and, problem is, most of the women I would have perceived as average or even ugly before, now can very easily become attractive to my eyes. Single mother? Not a problem. Fupa ? Let’s just forget about that. Crooked teeth? That’s actually cute! No right arm? Well, you just need one arm for hand jobs. You are 70 years-old? Wow, I thought you were only 50. Like I read elsewhere: “Even females that you would normally consider fucking ugly will be attractive. It’s like (black) magic. When you look at a female, you will not see her, you will see a blurred figure with feminine aura and you will be attracted to it.” And it is exactly my experience. You don’t see the women you’re speaking to. After a few seconds of interaction, it becomes blurry and you don’t see them anymore, you project a feminine aura onto their eyes and smiles, and you get turned on. I can now get boners just by talking to ugly girls… All they have to do is being somewhat feminine and pleasant.
Strangely, I now give away unintentional IOI’s to random girls. Like biting my lips, or using the “epoxy eyes” technique involuntarily. Luckily, I’m quite handsome, so I don’t appear as creepy as someone less blessed would, but still… I think it can damage my reputation if I’m not careful. For example, the other day, a cashier had a sudden jolt when she gave me my bag of items, for she somehow interpreted or saw that I was turned on (I was, indeed, getting high on dopamine, but I had no intention to make it clear). The worse being: I’m, without a doubt, feeding a lot of female egos lately and, what’s more, on a daily basis… Fortunately, I’m not in this state of horniness all the time. It comes and goes.
To conclude, I’ll say that my life is incomparably better since I started this challenge. I don’t know if monkmode is for everybody, but it worked for me. The idea of jerking off to porn now seems almost bizarre to me. I know women can be a powerful motivation, but don’t do Nofap for this reason, do it to better yourself and live a life worth living (with or without women). To quote someone I admire: “My brothers, stand with me, live free”.