Age 33 – My experience as an ex-addict and scientist


Scientific papers, others’ experiences and people’s opinions might tell you about porn-induced ED and stories of depression caused by excess of porn, but if you are suffering something like that you already know that. Most likely, if it weren’t for [this site] I would have continued much longer in watching porn, although I already had the strong intuition that it was ruining my life and emotional balance.

I am 33, and I have been watching at porn more or less since I was 15. Many would have said that my life was good – I got a PhD, I have had many girlfriends, all the usual stuff.

However, I always had these horrible mood shifts, suffered of clear signs of depression, frequently experienced ED and an increasing desensitization to sex. I could have lasted hours in bed, managing to reach an orgasm only if fantasizing about more extreme positions.

I felt so many times the incapability to stop, the shame of being unable to quit porn, masturbating just coming back after a night with my girlfriend and maybe not having had the will to do sex there with her. I felt so many times wasted after a night or even a whole day in front of a fucking screen, unable to find a girl that arouses you enough, the right position, the right body. And the longer time, the more extreme the “categories”.

I certainly lost a girl I was really in love with for this issue, and certainly it affected my concentration at work, even only for the huge amount of time lost. Time that summed up over 15 years I could have spent travelling, or working, anything better than jerking off.

And the time wasted is not even the worse: the worst is the constant sense of weakness and inability to stop. At some point, after the 1000 time I tried to stop, even your self-confidence vanishes, and you stop believing in yourself.

I stopped several times for relatively short times. The final one happened only after tattooing myself with the promise of stopping, after having imagined it as a my rite of passage for very long: so that breaking that promise would have been impressed on me forever. I guess everybody can find his own rite – for me that was it.

Needless to say when I finally stopped fapping it worked very well and very quickly. I finally rebooted without stopping entirely sex, and helping myself at the beginning with some Cialis. The error was that by using it seemed so easy that afterwards I relapsed again. So, it is totally possible to reboot while having sex, but it is certainly easier if you don’t – physiologically, maybe psychologically it is actually harder, depends on you I guess.

I know that many say that you must have other issues to end up a sexual addict, and therefore nofap is bullshits, because it does not cure the real cause. I think this reasoning might have some truth, but it is deeply flawed:

-First of all, even if it is true, this is the same for any form of addiction. Alcoholism might start when you broke up with your wife 20 years ago, but if you don’t stop, then alcohol itself becomes your problem.

What should one do then, just keep drinking to death since there used to be a different problem at the origin at the addiction? It is the same any drug. For me probably was like this – I often used it as a way to escape reality, a reality that was probably too painful for me. The problem is that like any drug that gives addiction, it becomes the problem itself. And porn is terribly easy to fall in, since we naturally like sex, it is almost inevitable to be tempted.

– The science is right. If you read on the web bullshits like those of David J Ley, those are people that do not understand anything about neuropsychology, trust me. I am not a neurobiologist but I know enough about the brain to tell you that the science behind no fap makes total sense.

In a way, I don’t care much about convincing anybody. Incompetent people like David J Ley will keep saying nofap does not work to have their opinion niche.

And scientific evidence will be very soon even more unequivocal – it is such a young field – so it is almost useless words.

What matters is that if you are experiencing some symptoms, I am sure you know it is this. And if you are not sure…just give it a try. In most cases the effects are so strong and quick that you won’t doubt it for very long. I can tell you then when you don’t wake up with a boner for 5 years or so, and then it happens every day…well, you know it is that! As much as when you need to find an arousing video for half an hour or more.

It is funny that people say: maybe it is just sexual anxiety..ahaha, I bet it is, when after 10 minutes of stroking and massaging the boobs of a girl you don’t feel any reaction down there, sure you start worrying!!! If you had a normal reaction definitely you would worry much less!

And just a last couple of things, probably trivial:
-your extra-time is the best time you have..don’t waste it on porn!
-it is true, something happens also to the capability of connecting more with a sexual partner. And that’s not sci-fi, oxytocin and the reward systems are connected, not to speak about the psychological aspect.

Good luck my friends, enjoy life, that is fresh from top to bottom – especially when not wasting your weekends fapping when the sun is shining outside!


By gibbon82