Last night I orgasmed for the first time in my life without having to masturbate. I hadn’t M for 38 days, it felt amazing, I think my wife was also pleased that she was able to get me off. This was A goal of mine. For 20 or so years I’ve been fapping this never happened with any partners. I was worried that even after going an extended amount of time, I would be too damaged, it’s at least for me a sign of progress.
That being said, I know deep down I still have a ways to go. For one, I’m not yet convinced I’ll be able to do it again, at least very soon. And I know if I decided to just M once I would ruin any progress.
Second, though physically I was able to climax to a different sensation. Mentally, I am nowhere near where I want to be. Though sex with my wife felt amazing, I know I was often in another place, fantasizing, playing porn slots in my mind as all these images run through my head. If not for this I wouldn’t have finished. I need to change this reliance on mental imagery.
So, I don’t know exactly where my counter is now, but I know my mission to not to M is still on track. I still get tempted by porn on occasion, but maybe from here on out I can truly leave it behind.