5 weeks without PMO or O. Not as long as some, but I still feel it important to post here. As I’ve said before, there may be someone reading who is hoping to get to day 35. Likewise those of us who are at day 35 are longing to get to 100, and the person at 100 to 400, and so on. But celebrate every step along the way. Every milestone. This is a milestone for me that I have not surpassed in 5 years. I am grateful, humbled, happy, and part of me can’t even believe it. I came to this site a little skeptically, because in my 18 years of P addiction I have tried everything: spirituality, psychologists, counseling, stopping cold, not using any technology, and finally, just giving up and letting myself sink as far into it as I could, hoping to even get sick on it by binging. The missing puzzle may have been this accountability and community that we share here.
Something about a community of people working toward similar aims of self improvement has a very powerful energy to it. We need people to be accountable to, to keep us in check, and to inspire us. I have joined the Heirs of the Sun, and I’m sure you all have your own places where you fit and feel happy. If not, find one. I have a few people who read my blog and drop a word or a like once in a while. I frequent a few blogs as well. It feels like we are growing together. Even though a lot of the journey is alone, the consciousness of having peers is a deep experience. Late last year I hit a wall of moderate to serious depression. I had some difficulty at work as well as personally and I was not able to rise to the challenges life was sending my way. I was PMOing maybe 3 times a day instead of doing what needed to be done. I nearly compromised myself entirely and lost my professional position. I don’t know how I didn’t lose it all, to this day I don’t know how it happened, but things fell in place for me and I got a second chance. I immediately knew I had to change something. I went on the net searching for ways to stop, and found this place. I was greeted warmly and encouraged.
What has changed in 5 weeks? Interestingly, not much in terms of work challenges or personal life. In fact I went through an even more difficult time personally, I won’t get into it, but it’s on my blog. Bottom line, what changed was me, my confidence and ability to rise to every challenge, the ways in which I dealt with the stresses and difficulties of life. By knowing that I had it in me to change, it inspired me to attack other areas of life that need changing as well. It’s an ongoing process. Not every day is perfect or without desires or low points, but it’s been a lot more up than down, mentally.
“Superpowers?” Yes, there have been some signs of that. I’ve had members of the opposite sex walk up and introduce themselves to me, touch me and my hair, strangers glance and smile, and coworkers are a lot more friendly, sending signals. Some of those things have either not happened in years or never happened. I’m a lot more outgoing and confident. although I was a generally confident person before. I deal with rejection a lot better (that I have never done well). I’ve walked up to women experimentally and been warmly received as well as not so warmly received, but however they’ve dealt with me has not shattered my confidence like it used to. No one is idolized as a goddess or as an S object…it’s just people – who have good days and bad days. I have a much bigger supply of physical energy. I’m exercising more. I think I’ve lost about 10 lbs this past month. I have been getting into creative things I used to like to do and actually finding the inspiration and desire to complete those kinds of projects. I’m thinking about all the dreams I started to doubt and they suddenly seem well within reach again.
I am as of today a third of the way to day 90, my first target, but like anyone else here I would like to go on. I could share so much more about the internal growth I’ve experienced in this short time but I would stop here. I hope this inspires you to keep at it. If you have not been addicted to PMO for 18 years, and you are younger than I am (I’m in my 30s) then I would recommend trying as hard as you can to stop. You will accomplish SO MUCH by avoiding PMO, and if you are sexually active, by reducing your O. You will be like a new person. To those who are older and have been struggling longer, we all know that by putting together these streaks we feel younger and more vibrant. We still have much of our lives ahead of us. We, too, will be like new people. All the best my friends. Walk in the light! Bottom of Form
LINK – 5 weeks walking in the light