When I started my nofap journey back in 2011 I had one thing to prove, that I could get my wife into bed twice a week. I told her that was my goal and she scoffed, “That’s never going to happen”.
After eleven years together our sex life was crap, averaging once every 4-6 weeks and some times even longer dry spells. Several months later the idea struck me to try nofap but this was before this community really existed. When I did google searches for quitting masturbation at the time, the opinions out there weren’t promising.
Fast forward 18-24 months and I got laid 3 times in an eight day period. One day shy of hitting 3 in one week. 50% higher than my original goal. I remember feeling like I had done it! I didn’t even say anything to my wife. After all, my whole life had changed and I had become the type of man that gets laid that much, unlike my previous self that didn’t.
My salary at work doubled, I was exercising daily, doing things naturally that attracted my wife and being more aggressive in pursuing her and solving our life’s problems. Looking back now, that was when my nofap motivation started to wane. I proved what I wanted, what’s the point of proving it over and over again. We settled into a once every week cycle (sometimes 4-5 days apart) and that is plenty. Until February this year I hadn’t found anything people doubted I could do but now I’m determined to prove I can thrive on 4.5 hours of sleep using the Everyman 3 sleep cycle I read about from a fellow nofapper.
My nofap journey has started back up in full force to help me accomplish it, and it’s easier than ever. I haven’t put together a 90 day streak in a few years but I’m convinced a good streak is what I’ll need to help me through this and my motivation is sky high.
So what are you trying to prove? What has the world told you you’ll never achieve? Getting a hot girlfriend, boss told you you’ll never get that raise? Friends said your business idea will never work? You’ll never get into that college or that career field? Never write that book? What is it? There has to be something you’ve bought into that you don’t really believe is true about yourself and probably why you fap so much. It’s easier to believe them than to prove them wrong but let me tell you, proving them wrong, showing the world they underestimated you is why you’re alive and you won’t feel right if you’re not chasing after it. Nofap gives you the energy, confidence and aggression to tear through whatever walls others put in front of you. But don’t make nofap your goal, use it to prove something bigger! It’s what I was doing all along but didn’t even realize it.
I’m 36 and my story is a bit backwards from most people on here. I started on September 20th of 2011. I checked the waybackmachine and see that this reddit sub existed with 1,545 members then but I didn’t come across it doing google searches on stopping MO so I was flying blind.
I quit P before I got the idea to stop MO and haven’t looked back aside from steamy sex scenes in movies and shows on Netflix. When I started, my wife was pregnant and unable to have sex at the time so I was on hardmode for the first 9 months or so. But that was part of the goal, to go until I had a WD. I’d never had one.
When our sexual relationship resumed I noticed a lot of my superpowers diminished. I say that to give context to my nofap waning comment. I know people argue that O through sex vs MO is different but in my experience they are the same in terms of energy, confidence and the aggressiveness that helps me persue my goals with wreckless abandon.
When persuing nofap on hardmode I would channel all SE into my work and relationships. After resuming sex, a lot of my focus was split off toward getting laid. When she was unavailable I would sometimes handle my biz just to get to sleep with the occasional binge that would leave me feeling like a zombie for 5-6 days. Anticipating sex mentally with my wife has identical affects on me as edging. It drains me and makes me anxious once I start until O.
Doing my E3 schedule these last two weeks, I’ve noticed my hardest days were the first two of sleep deprivation and the first couple days after sex. I’m considering Karezza to resolve this. So nofap on hardmode forced me to channel everything into things other than sex. When I say waned, I started allowing my SE to channel back towards my wife for days leading up to actual sex and gave into fap during the times things went longer than expected. I did manage my 90 day reset somewhere in 2012 but not on hardmode and only the once. I was hung up between days 10-14 for most of 2014-2015 when trying to get serious again about nofap. I was sort of coasting on past glories those years but eventually bored of standing still this last February and got serious again. Three weeks in I discovered E3 as a new challenge and am reliving all the glory days from my first two really long streaks of nofap.
In my perfect world, I would not focus on sex unless in the actual moment when she initiated and do it Karezza style. My wife was out of town for 3 weeks last month, got a UTI and had a visit from aunt flow so we only had sex twice in the last 5 weeks. I’m feeling the super powers return with full force on this semi hardmode and testing out E3. Hope that answered your questions.
LINK – PROVE IT!