Quick summary: Married for 15 years, addicted to Porn/Fapping for 25 years. Random occasions of ED.
Over the past 3 weeks I’ve resisted the urge to PMO in the toughest of times – in hotel rooms while out of town alone, at home alone while family is away. These were automatic porn/fap times previously, not a doubt crossed my mind – I just PMO’d and felt zero guilt or shame. It felt good.
I’ve learned that in these situations (alone, away from family) my brain automatically says “time to check out the new P, let’s fap”. Meditation has helped me notice and label these thoughts I needn’t identify with. Consistent meditation truly grants underrated superpowers.
Tonight I had sex (made love?) with my wife and had an absolutely incredible orgasm, and enjoyed the sex so much more. My wife has always been hot to me regardless of the crazy hot women in porn – but tonight she was even hotter, and the act was more sensual. Even cuddling after sex was more intense and hotter.
I can see life in full color now – music is more beautiful, movies are more emotional, life is manifesting itself in many more shades than it ever has before.
Take it from this married guy – kick the addiction. I resisted it for years and never wanted to install web filters despite my wife’s insistence, because I wanted to view porn and fap. Now I have the filters installed, but I resist viewing porn despite the filters. And life is much more beautiful without.
Dopamine is a wonderful drug. Porn is the problem. Go read and watch yourbrainonporn.com for more motivation.
Keep up the fight!
I’m 36, have my 25 year fapping/porn badge. Yep, I knew how to work the bulletin boards back in the 80s and get hot pics.
Long story that I’ll share later (90 days?) but I’m stopping PM, for years I have seen zero reason to stop and enjoyed it thoroughly, but now I know too much (yourbrainonporn.com and dopamine info, reward center info). Stopping O can’t happen because I’m married.
I don’t buy into the super power stuff, it is way too placebo-ey and I’m a skeptic.
But here are a few practical benefits/changes I’ve noticed after 11 days:
Benefit 1: Peace of mind. I woke up in the middle of the night the other night. Wife was not in bed. My immediate thought was: “Oh snap, she is on my computer and has figured out my porn addiction.”. Then I suddenly realized I was clean and there was no reason to stress or feel guilty. Went back to sleep easily. I realized how draining these feelings of guilt are on my energy.
Benefit 2: Easily aroused. Sex is better. My wife is way hot, but even with how hot she is, porn had clearly dulled my senses and ability to get aroused. Only 1 week in this is clear.
Benefit 3: Appreciation of music. This might be a little placebo-ey because of what I have read about dopamine/reward circuit numbing. But I’d swear I am appreciating good music just a little more now. Gives me a little glimpse of how much I enjoyed it as a teenager.
Change 1: I am completely aroused by women around me. Not particularly proud of this one which is why I call it a change, not a benefit. But damn, today I saw a couple of women out in public that made my heart flutter. I kid you not, I haven’t felt that since my teen years and twenties. It seems like there is more eye contact and women noticing me, but it is probably just because I am more on the prowl and vigilant and noticing and my senses are heightened.
Going to have to work on that one. Pretty fascinating changes, to say the least, and only 11 days in. Without a question, years of porn and frequent fapping have affected my brain in negative ways.