Had sex last night for the first time since starting noFap and to my delight, I had no PIED like I’ve had for the last 5 years! I should say that this was with a girl I’ve been seeing for the last 2 weeks and not a partner from before noFap (I’m 37). Actually, as I’ve mentioned in a previous post I made, my previous, four-year relationship which ended last year saw us have sex only 5 times during that period because of my addiction and PIED, and those 5 times were terrible.
Last night however, was by far the best sex of my life where I was able to actually be present in the moment and not have my brain filled with pornographic videos running through it in an attempt to maintain an erection. I was actually able to think about her needs and focus on pleasing her which then gave me pleasure and helped in maintaining my erection and to be able to last almost 45 minutes each time. We did it twice last night and again this morning.
I say all this to let you guys know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. That you will overcome this addiction, and your sexual dysfunctions will heal themselves when you heal your brain, but more importantly, when you heal yourself. I’ve been doing lots of self work and building up my self-love and sense of self-worth and confidence. I have to say that it pays off.
I must admit that I did have that voice in my head tell me that what I was experiencing wasn’t really happening and that I would lose my erection and be embarrassed and feel ashamed that I wouldn’t be able to perform. But because of my new found confidence and self-love I’ve developed through my noFap journey, that voice was almost like a whisper and in my head
I quickly reminded myself that I am someone worthy to be loved and that women would find attractive and want to have sex with. I mean, this was all happening in my head as I was in the middle of having sex! I think that’s the power of negative self-talk. When we are drowning in our addiction and the shame and guilt and depression which comes with it, we let those negative voices control our lives. But I told that voice essentially to fuck off and that I was going to continue to have the best sex of my life by focusing on the present and actually just enjoy the pleasure that I was feeling.
For myself, I think the fact that I’ve been meditating for the last week and a half every day, learning to just be present in the moment really helped last night, because when I had those thoughts all going through my mind last night and was starting to lose focus on the pleasure I was experiencing at the moment, like thoughts in our head which take us away during mediation and when you realize it just coming back to the breath, I just came back to my dick and to the pleasure that I was feeling.
So go forth on your journey fellow fapstronauts, and when the time comes, go back to your dick! If I can do it, so can you!