I’m 40, married to a smoking hot woman, we have two kids. For the last year my wife and I have been having serious marital issues. Sex was infrequent and fairly passionless. Two months ago I discovered she was having an online emotional/sexual affair with a facebook friend, and it sent my universe into a tail spin.
Since then I’ve been completely immersed and focused on one mission: TO CHANGE WHO I AM AS A MAN. During the last two months I’ve read close to 40 books on self improvement, one of which led me to this sub-reddit. I have been PMO’ing almost every day since I was 14 – that’s 26 years. The day I found nofap and yourbrainonporn.com, I was 100% convinced that PMO played a major role in the deterioration of the intimacy between me and my wife and was in general contributing nothing but shit to my life. That day, December 9, 2014, I made a sacred vow that I would never PMO again, and that relapse was simply not an option.
Today I’m here standing proud, true to my word, and 60 days in to my first attempt at going cold turkey nofap. My wife and I are working on our relationship, growing our emotional intimacy. We haven’t had sex in about two and a half months, as we made an agreement that we won’t have sex again until both of us are ready to unite together as fully evolved, emotionally mature adults, ready to experience true and deep intimacy. Obviously, I’m hornier than a motherfucker and I’m ready to go, but she’s just not ready yet. So I’m playing this nofap in hard mode involuntarily and working on exhibiting infinite patience. If three months ago you would have told me that I was going to willingly go for 60 days without a single orgasm I would have told you you’re fucking insane. But here I am.
Before I get to the fun stuff, I must emphasize the importance of getting a kindle or the kindle app on your mobile device. The most powerful weapon you have in this battle is KNOWLEDGE. And while there is a wealth of information to find online, the real treasure of knowledge is media that is NOT free. Specifically, books. And the amount of books I’m reading that I find absolutely critical, if I had hard copies of them, there is no way I would lug them around everywhere I go. It would be ridiculous and I would have to carry a backpack everywhere. At this point, I’m reading about 5 books at a time, and having the kindle app on my iphone frees me to read whenever I have time – waiting in line during lunch, work breaks, in my bed, walking around the house in the morning – it will allow you to read and absorb giant amounts of life-giving information throughout the day.
OK, now to the fun stuff. I am evolving at a rapid pace in all sorts of facets:
* I have started meditating daily and nightly. I have a meditation whose sole purpose is to bring my awareness to the present moment (read “The Presence Process” by Michael Brown). This is VERY critical – present moment awareness will allow you to RESPOND instead of REACT and it will change your life dramatically. I have a meditation whose sole purpose is to instill self love (read “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It” by Kamal Ravikant). I will also stand an inch away from a mirror, stare right into my eye and say “I love myself” without blinking, over and over again. Sounds stupid? yeah, but this shit is powerful. I have a meditation whose sole purpose is to transform my self-identity into a masculine, self-confident, sexy creator with godlike powers. This one is fucking surreal. I now have the power to literally rewire my brain and create a new identity for myself that I can authentically operate from. I’m still working on it, but this shit is earth-shattering. To get more info on this see Shae Matthew’s presentation at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiSjuoUc5LU
* I have started hitting the gym HARD CORE – I’ve gained 10 pounds in pure muscle (I weigh 185 now), very low body fat, and my body is fucking rippling with definition. Not in a meat-head way but in a taylor lautner way. I look fucking good and I know it.
* I started running a mile every two days to work on my cardio. I play racquetball with my older brother about once a week, and he used to kick my ass every time. Last two weeks I beat him mercilessly every game.
* I started adopting conscious thought modes to increase my confidence. Read “Confidence Hacks” by David De Las Morenas – it will gave you shitloads of methods to get the negative self-talk and chatter out of your head, which is preventing you from having self-confidence in the moment. The shit works. Try it.
* I started eating super-healthy. EVERY MORNING I make a green smoothie with a different vegetable each time – spinach, chard, cucumbers, parsley, mint, romaine lettuce, carrot top greens, beet greens, lacinto kale, red kale, curly kale, collard greens, bok choy, basil, celery stalks, dandelion, curly endive, butterhead lettuce. I rotate these so each day I use a new vegetable along with a small amount of fruit to sweeten it a bit. The results are fucking amazing. I am getting way more than the recommended fruit and vegetable intake EVERY DAY just from drinking these giant green smoothies every morning. I’ve never eaten so much quantities and varieties of fruits and vegetables in my life. If you’re interested in this, read “Green Smoothie Habit” by Jane Haddad. My wife is cooking me a paleo meal every night. This is just vegetables, fruits, and nice lean meat. No pastas, rice, etc. Look it up, It’s awesome. I’m avoiding junk food, and eating healthy when I go out to eat. I just went to my new doctor for a regular check-up. He said I was super healthy all around. I gave my blood and urine samples, and I’m waiting the results for cholesterol etc. I have a feeling it’s going to come back rock solid.
* I started reading books on emotional intimacy. No, this is not about being touchy feely… it’s about being intimately familiar with your OWN EMOTIONS – what’s causing them, how to feel them… and how to not allow them to control me so I can RESPOND to events instead of REACTING to them. I cannot overemphasize enough how important this is for your own evolution. Read “Emotional Intimacy: A Comprehensive Guide for Connecting with the Power of Your Emotions” by Robert Augustus Masters and “The Presence Process” by Michael Brown – “The Presence Process” is a 10 week process where you will literally gain mastery over how you emotionally experience reality – it’s a complete mind fuck, and you will feel like Neo waking up from The Matrix.
* Women – yes, I’m married, and I plan on staying faithful while I’m still married. But man my perspective on the opposite sex has shifted radically. When I walk around Whole Foods picking up produce for my smoothies, I am noticing shitloads of women, and they are noticing me. I’ll walk by a girl in the aisle and imagine taking her right then and there. I walk around and I can feel my sexual energy being communicated loud and clear. When I talk to women I’m now automatically flirting, and they’re loving it. I’ll just walk up to a girl and say “You are smoking hot” and start up a conversation. I’ve been doing this pretty much every day for the last two weeks. I did it at a dance club last weekend to the two hottest girls I could find and they responded to me very strongly. If I was single, I would be lining up dates throughout the week. I can feel it all the way down to my bones. For those of you who are married and faithful, there is nothing wrong with sharpening your flirting abilities with strangers. It will keep you vital. For those interested in checking out what’s helped me transform this particular facet, please check all of Corey Wayne’s videos at https://www.youtube.com/user/coachcoreywayne – Coach Corey is the fucking man.
* Sex…. yes it’s true, even though I’m not having any sex, I am evolving my sexual realm like never before. I’m learning that being a god in bed is all about learning to take pleasures in the moment. Learning to take pleasure in your sensations. Learning to take pleasure in taking your time. Guys, there is a whole world of information out there on how to create an intense SPIRITUAL experience (no I’m not referring to religion here) when you’re having sex with a woman who you admire and who gets your dick rock-hard. If you approach sex in this manner, the women who you give this gift to will cherish you like the rare MAN that you are. I just started getting into this, but so far it’s an eye opener. For those interested, please check out “The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm” by Steve Bodansky and “Tantric Secrets for Men: What Every Woman Will Want Her Man to Know about Enhancing Sexual Ecstasy” by Kerry Riley.
* My Wife – Granted, we’re still working on ourselves and we haven’t ignited our sex life yet, she is definitely noticing something is up. When she walks into the kitchen in the morning wearing her tight little panties, I get rock hard within seconds. I really mean ROCK HARD. I touch it to check the firmness and it feels like the skin is about to split at the seams. I’m following up now on everything I tell her I’m going to do. I’m up front with what I’m thinking, what I want. I’m more commanding and masculine, and she feels it. I think in about a month’s time, we’ll start being intimate and I’m going to turn her world upside down and take her to levels of eroticism that she’s never experienced before.
* Conquering fears – I made a list of fears that have held me back, so I can conquer them one by one. The first one was learning how to dance. Ever since I was invited to my first bar mitzvah, I’ve always been VERY self-conscious about my dancing. I can feel the beat, but I just couldn’t relax enough to go with the flow and let my body feel the music and look good doing it. So I would always hold back. Not anymore. A month ago I hired a professional dance instructor (she trains the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders) to teach me how to be a highly confident and skilled ass-mover on the dance floor. During my first lesson, I was really fucking embarrassed, but by the end of that first session, I had pretty much demolished my fear of being self conscious, because I saw that I can actually learn how to dance when I pay attention to the instructor and focus my body to let it move in new ways. So far I’ve learned shitloads of moves, and I practice every other day in my garage in front of a mirror when everyone’s asleep. Yeah this seems fucking ridiculous I know… BUT one thing I’ve learned in these last couple of months is that you need to feel ridiculous to push through out of your comfort zones. I took a video of myself (as she recommended) to see what I look like doing a cool dance routine and I thought “holy shit, that’s me doing some pretty awesome moves and looking damn good!” I haven’t had much opportunity to show off my new talents, but I’m sure I’ll have plenty soon.
* super powers – Last weekend I was out in a bar/club with my wife and her super-hot friend. We were dancing and having a great fucking time. I felt comfortable enough to bust out some of the new dance moves I had been learning and my wife’s friend looked at me and said “how do you do that?” and there I was showing her how to execute this really sexy dance move – who would have thought that? I was getting drunk and every time I went to the bathroom, I would get my ass grabbed by a different girl. This happened at least three times. My old self would have probably looked back every time to see who it was. The new me just kept on walking with a smirk on my face, like this is my birth right and it’s what I expect. Later on in the night this guy was rubbing his ass on my wife. She asked him to stop and give her space, and he did it again on purpose. I immediately shoved him away as hard as I could, and he went flying back and almost fell on the ground. He got up all embarrassed since it was in front of his friends and tried to charge at me. Others held him back and I just smiled at him and said calmly “yeah, come over here, let’s go…” My wife’s friend told the bouncer what the jerk did and they kicked him out. I went to the bathroom again (I had to piss a lot apparently) and when I walked back this girl came up to me and tapped me right on my chest (I was wearing a form-fitting v-neck sweater that accentuated my pecs). Now I’ve had girls grab my ass before, but I’ve NEVER had a girl come up to me so aggressively to get my attention. She literally put her palm right on my chest and looked me right in the eye. To make it even more strange is that she was doing this in front of her group of girl friends, and they were all watching her do this. I just smiled at her and said “hello…” and walked right past her and her friends to meet back up with my wife and her friend. My wife didn’t see this interchange but her friend did, and she told me that all night she and my wife had been buffering me from girls trying to come up to me while we were dancing.
Now I don’t attribute all of this to nofap of course. As you can see from the above I’m going forward on a fucking warpath to perfecting myself as a man, and there are all kinds of factors contributing. But nofap is definitely a primary pillar to all of this.
Why? Because EVERYTHING I’m doing above would FALL APART if I was jacking off to porn every night. Psychologically, jerking off and everything above CANNOT CO-EXIST – period.
BY – littlelionroars