Today is a great day. The grandparents took our kids for the weekend and we just had successful PIV sex! I am very excited to report this because like many of you, I feared that this would be a painstakingly long process. I know that I am definitely not 100% cured, but tonight is evidence that I am on the right path and reinforced my belief that YBOP, nofap, and pornfree speak the truth.
[TRIGGER WARNING] I figured when we had the house to ourselves we would end up in bed. I was a bit anxious and nervous when we lied down. It started with some small talk and kissing. I soon felt her hand stimulating me. She stroked my chest, abdomen, thighs, and penis. I tried to relax, but my mind was racing wondering if it would work. Slowly, I felt myself rising to the occasion. Half way there….my kids called to stay good night! Freaking cockblocks!!! In the past, I would have lost all momentum and returned to a flaccid state.
Not tonight. I remained hard. When my wife gave me her attention after ending the call….it was on. It wasn’t the most athletic sex we ever had, but it was good. It felt good to get hard and stay hard throughout. She was turned on even more because I never had to touch myself once to get or maintain my erection, it was all her.
I am happy. I am convinced to maintain this lifestyle and continue to improve myself. I remain cautious, but also excited for what lies ahead of me. Be faithful that this will work, even in your darkest hours. Do what you have to do to avoid the pattern of PMO. It will be worth it.
So one full week complete and I feel pretty good. Obviously the key to my success and anyone else for that matter’s is STAYING BUSY! The only real issue I am having is breaking the habit of touching myself, holding my penis. It is not for sexual self gratification, but almost like security.
The wife and I had a nice little make out session that included some heavy petting. She did touch my dick. I got a little flow but not much to get excited about. I focused on the feel of her hand in the moment, her lips on mine. I ended the session before I could let my mind drift to other stimuli in attempt to achieve an erection. If was fun and we are trying to make the best out of this shitty situation.
I guess we are anxious for results but realized that they cannot be forced or rushed. It will happen when it happens. I did experience a middle of the night hard on. This one felt like it was going to rip through the skin. I am comforted in the fact that my equipment is working, it’s just my brain that is fucked up. I am confident that this reboot is the fix.
Today is day 63. I have been quite busy and forgot to post on day 60. I am happy to say that nofap is working for me. I have had sex numerous times and feel confident that brain is rewiring to my wife. I have been able to attain erections by her touch each time we have been intimate. Yesterday, we had sex three times. That was a first in many years. What I have been most pleased with is my stamina. Previously, I will have to masturbate for a while just to get it up and in the process I would draw my orgasam closer before penetration. Now, I get hard, penetrate and last as long as I want. I have more control and unafraid to change positions.
I still get urges to look at porn, mostly the amateur stuff like gonewild. I think it is really based on boredom and I am able to check myself when it has happened. As I have said before, mental fantasy has been the hardest to overcome. I had two days in this streak that hit me hard. The difference is suppose is my fantasy revolves around my wife and I. Our tastes are not to extreme but not entirely vanilla either. I know that if I continue down this path I will have success.
PIED is a 1000% better. I have not had the random boner or even gotten hard from kissing or holding hands. I am 40. I don’t expect that to happen. What is expect is to get hard appropriately, have sex, and finish normally. Morning wood is consistent. Sensitivity has increased. One important thing to remember and gas helped me is: don’t touch your dick. Keep your hands off your junk. I am reconditioning arousal response to my wife’s touch, not mine. It is hard to do especially when you are addicted, but I think it is vital in the recovery stage. I promise it is worth it when you see her reaction when you get hard in her hand or mouth.
Lastly, have faith that this lifestyle will work for you. It has so many positive benefits. I understand that I will get out of it what I put into it. Effort and determination will be rewarded. Good luck to all of you and I’ll see you around 90 days.