PMO is not even a desire anymore. When I get turned on – its easy to accept it and get on with life (rather than feel the need to do something about it). This freedom is liberating when you think about it but its part of my life. It is the new normal.
Watching porn and masturbating has become abnormal. I am almost indifferent to it. At the same time – I have a very healthy respect for its addiction. So I don’t allow myself to ever get complacent. Sometimes when my mind invariably starts to fantasize – sooner or later – I am able to snap out of it warning myself that its all a lie or stop it. And I do stop easily – it is not a struggle to realize the massive ridiculousness of fantasizing about sex instead of making love to a real person – in my case – my wife. Its just internalized at a deep level. I am not in conflict with myself over this. It’s like fantasies appear out of nowhere – and I get sucked in it for a while – if at all – and then I acknowledge it and pull myself out and get on with my life. There is still an effort but the effort is almost automatic.
I am not aware of any superpowers as such. Though, I am in general a lot more aggressive – more assertive and more likely to confront if something or someone is bothering me. Sometimes I lose my temper and get irritated quickly but mostly I am able to acknowledge it and dial down or walk away from the situation. I have more time for things I care about.
I think the greatest benefit is deeper self-love because my relationship with myself has improved a lot. A big conflict in my heart is healing. I hated watching porn and hated myself for acting like it was ok to watch the awful stuff – watching someone in pain or being treated badly – for my pleasure. I thought for a long time I had no choice.
But 180 days prove that I have a choice. This community and numerous success stories prove that we all have a choice. And this choice is earned like freedom is earned. And freedom just like love is always worth it. It is what makes life worth living.
Thank you guys! My advice – keep at it!! I failed many many times but I am here because I just kept getting up and kept fighting back. That’s the only way to achieve what matters in life – never give up. Find your way through it – be honest – do what it takes for yourself. For me I kept it very simple – I will not masturbate. I will only enjoy intimacy when I am with another person. It wasn’t easy – early on I started edging for a week for a few minutes every day but by the end of the week – my temper was flying off the handle. I realized it wasn’t helping so I stopped doing that. I had to battle low libido for a long time – my wife hung in there with me. And like that everyone will face their own set of challenges – face them honestly – think for yourself and find your own way to success.
Keep it simple. Keep it honest. And keep at it. Good luck!
LINK – 182 days report
EARLIER POST – 4 months and counting
It’s not been easy. And yes it is worth it. I am married and I imagine it makes it easier but PMO is an addiction that affects everyone alike. With SO, I have privilege to appreciate truth vs lies. I highly recommend intimacy with a loved one. It grounds you in reality. Sex is also better – I have lost interest in all the rough stuff I picked up from pornography. I am even experimenting with karezza and just enjoy making love. Rather than this egotistical conquest crap that all pornography is. I know in my heart I will never ejaculate alone again. I have no interest in it. Sometimes I tell myself that with absolute certainty. I have however experimented with masturbation alone without any fantasies and thoughts – what we would call edging. And I have done this on two separate occassions for a few days – and each time I started getting crankier and angry. I was doing it to experiment with Tantric sex – to have sex without ejaculation. To build stamina. But both times like I said – my overall peace has suffered. So that experiment is over. I think karezza and tantric sex should be explored with a loved one as I intend to from now on.
As for the benefits – I have always been shy and I am still rather shy. Still I have a sense of confidence within that’s building – that comes from discipline. The greatest benefit of not indulging in PMO is greater self-love and that is the key to all success I believe. It creates integrity within that helps you fight greater challenges. Second, equally important you have genuine freedom from a bondage that takes away your precious resources – time and energy in return for incapacity. It’s a terrible trade. So by gaining freedom from PMO – you gain real freedom – more time and more energy to use any which way you like. You are psychologically free and shed all the bullshit perception you develop from addiction and porn garbage you feed your mind every day. This is real freedom of incredible personal value.
I have not started attracting women by the dozens. I love women more now. I am attracted to women of all shapes and sizes. I acknowledge them and appreciate them. I love my wife and my sex life has improved greatly – more loving. Better. And getting better.
This is a critical catalyst to incredible personal growth. I wish I had done this 20 years back. But life is now and I would not trade this sweet freedom for anything in the world. I am glad I am on this journey of growth and progress. And I congratulate each and every one of you who is committed to make yourself better and making a positive difference to this world.
So many of you have inspired me on this journey and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. My success is also your success for no man is an island… and our destiny is ultimately intertwined. Here is to our success and to our steely discipline and great resolve that is the bedrock of all success. Peace.