I had almost forgotten the period of my life where I struggled with masturbation and porn. It was so long ago. But I did have a problem – and I beat it. So, I thought I would share the story and the wonderful things that came from giving up.
Throw back two years – when I realised the amazingly destructive power of porn, so I went cold turkey. I fell once or twice. But then I took onboard the advice that ‘what you put out to the universe is what you get back’ i.e. if you tell the universe, or you tell your own brain, that this way of living is OK, your brain will accept that. If you allow yourself to live with porn as a substitute for real intimacy, your brain will just accept that. But when you recognise that it is not only failing to make you happy, but also making you unhappy – then you need to do something about it.
I recognised that I had used porn and masturbation casually but that it had become a way of relaxing, dealing with stress, loneliness etc. And that it had spilled over into ED in a clear way. When that happens, there is no mistaking it. I also believe it had likely been a contributing factor in me not meeting a life partner and being unhappy with where I was at in life.
What happened next is wonderful. Maybe I got lucky. Maybe it was coincidence. But I believe it was directly related. About one month after ceasing with porn and masturbation (no self pleasure at all) a friend said ‘I have someone I think you should meet – a really great girl’. We met and fell in love. 6 months later we got engaged. I was in my early 40s – no point hanging around when you meet the one! 6 weeks later we got pregnant. We got married earlier this year and had a beautiful girl in May. All in 18 months or so! Say, 20 months from ceasing the porn/ masturbation habit.
When we met I told her that I had had some ED issues and that I wanted to take it slowly with her. She understood and supported me 100%. But when we explored the sexy side of things, everything went well. And the sex has been normal ever since. No problems – ever. I am a healthy functioning red blooded male. And I am very, very happy in my life. I now have a wonderful, wonderful wife, a beautiful baby girl and a healthier outlook on life.
I would whole heartedly encourage anyone to give up porn 100%. It is a very destructive force. And also give up masturbation as suggested on this site. Great things come from it!
BY – Nofapherewego
30 MONTHS EARLIER – Laboured Breathing (and anxiety)
I am really hoping some of you guys can help me with this issue. I am pretty desperate to get on top of it.
My journey started similarly to many here, but with a variation.
I came to yourbrainonporn when looking for a solution to my ED. So far, a familiar story…
The background is a little different though. I had not been looking at much porn in the months leading up to this. BUT I had been dumped by my girlfriend (who was cheating on me) and I had responded by going out and screwing any girl I could for about six months. The sex became gradually more like porn, less about affection more about what I was doing to them. I was, in effect, acting out porn type encounters with these women. A few were escorts, mostly girls I met on dating sites. But the sex was more about me fulfilling fantasies for my own satisfaction and not about romance or love. It is not something I am proud of and I never want to go back to it.
Eventually, I became disgusted with myself. What I really want is a loving committed relationship. I ended the last of these flings and not long after met a really sexy, lovely girl who I liked a lot. This is where the ED kicked in. I have never had any bedroom problems, but that all changed. I could not perform with her. I then went and looked at some porn to see what would happen (as a test). I had a typical PMO experience, without a hitch. This lead me to discover yourbrainonporn and I gave up porn on the spot, in mid-November 2012. (I had used porn for many years on and off – right back to my earliest masturbation).
In the midst of this (before I gave up PMO) my breathing started to become a bit laboured. After a lot of check ups, I was told that I have ‘over breathing’ or ‘mild chronic hyper ventilation’. It’s not something you would notice if you were standing next to me. It is like an ‘air hunger’ – breathing 10% more than I normally would. This is a constant state not an ‘attack’. And it is not a panic type feeling. (once again – my heart and lungs are 100% good, thankfully). The condition is closely associated with stress and anxiety.
My thinking is that it is related to giving up the porn-type sex (and latterly porn).
As of now, 3 months later, my breathing is still laboured and I have weird spasmodic movements of the diaphragm occasionally. Bad sleep. Worry. Depression etc. It is pretty difficult. I have been given physio exercises and meditation – but they are not producing any noticeable results.
Once again, this breathing problem arose after I gave up the porn-type-sex, after I met the lovely woman BUT BEFORE I gave up the PMO, so it cannot be a result of giving up PMO.
I would love any insights anyone can provide.
And here are some specific questions:
- has anyone had an experience of giving up porn-type sex which matches the side effects of giving up porn? (I am thinking the effects might be similar, which could explain this)
- has anyone any experience of breathing issues arising as a side effect of giving up PMO? I would like to know if others have dealt with this.
I really appreciate any thoughts or help you guys can offer. Keep up your courage, commitment and discipline.