Some background: 44 years of age, male, long-term porn user (magazines >> VHS tapes >> internet); dozens of efforts to quit (even back at the magazine stage); recent onset of PIED. Longest previous record was 23 days. During the last 90 days: no porn, no masturbation, but sex with real women is allowed. So what did I learn?
1) my #1 addiction is porn, not masturbation. After I developed PIED, I gave up masturbation (but not porn) for several months. This actually made my PIED (with real women) much worse. But it also gave me an important insight: that my real problem is porn and that giving up masturbation is easy compared to giving up my laptop, which, as you all know, is VERY hard.
2) It does become easier to control your urges with time – you develop good habits and probably the diminished dopamine in my brain made me less impulsive. That said, the urges never go away. Today I thought maybe 5 times that I would celebrate my 90 days with a little party and get caught up on my favorite websites. These are passing sensations and the chance I would act on them is relatively low, but they are still there. Urges are there almost every day and I imagine they will always be there.
3) PIED is an amazing motivator. I found that in the end, almost every other reason for quitting porn did not work. But the prospect of being in bed with a beautiful woman and NOT being able to get it up fills me with so much dread that it has scared me away from porn. I have no moral problems with porn per se — some people can enjoy it and they are fine. I can’t – I am a sick patient whose wacked brain chemistry due to repeated floods of porn-induced dopamine have resulted in a real physiological issue. I need to heal. This has always in the forefront of my mind during the last 90s days.
4) My PIED is a lot better, but it still is not 100%. I still have a way to go before the physiological symptoms of my brain chemistry are corrected. Sometimes now I walk around as if I have a loaded gun in my pocket. Unlike most Americans, I know how to properly use that gun, and that feels badass.
5) The superpowers – yes I had them for about 10 days. I had a huge amount of energy and I needed much less sleep, I was very social, I was overly interested in real life women. I hate to disappoint, but these eventually abated. I attribute these superpowers to the temporary surge of testosterone immediately after quitting. They go away.
6) The flatline, which set in after the first 15-20 days, is very real and scary. Despite its name, it is non-linear, meaning it comes and goes, but your level of sexual energy does overall get better.
7) While the superpowers go away, other more important things emerge. These are
a) if you turn off the virtual world, the actual world and the real women who live in it are re-enchanted, which means that from it and from them you can derive dopamine;
b) as a result of this change, I feel that I have a stronger and deeper connections with women to whom I am attracted and those around me, such as family members. I feel that I don’t see humans, especially women, as instrumentally as I once did.
c) a re-enchanted world has made me a happier person, since joy is not contingent upon my wireless connection but is available in everyday life and often by surprise;
d) I am better in bed (and I am not talking just about simply being able to get it up). Too much porn makes you horrible and very selfish in bed — women have stories about this;
e) in addition to feeling less depressed, I feel less impulsive and more disciplined and less flighty and less prone to ADHD. I also feel calmer;
f) increased discipline plus MASSIVE time savings from not watching porn meant I could start and execute a daily exercise regime, which means that I have lost weight, my bp has gone down, and I feel healthier than in years; been more productive and imaginative and happier at work; spent more time interacting with real people who are important to me; picked up a new hobby: guitar;
g) ending porn and masturbation has not eliminated all my problems, not by a long stretch. Anyone who embarks on this thinking that nofap is a panacea will relapse. Life is hard and filled with suffering and there will be pain. What nofap does do, though, is give you a reboot and a rebirth of sorts – what you do with your second life (which is really your first life) is strictly up to you.
I hope this is helpful, especially to those just starting out. I wish you the best with your journey.
LINK – 90 Days Check In – A Re-enchanted World
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