Hey fam. I’m super excited today to be at day 63, which is one day longer than my last record, which I achieved about 2 years ago. Since then it’s been a struggle (never made it past 30, usually not past 6 or 7) and I’ve learned a lot about myself- what triggers this addiction and how dangerous it is once you’re on that slippery relapse slope. After struggling for the last 2 years or so, the catalyst for me was actually when I started dating someone last summer and then having sex with her.
At first it was great- this was why I did Nofap, right? To help me reset my brain and get into a healthy relationship. But I realized after a while that I was more or less using her for sex, and it was effectively not much different from masturbation. Plus since we only saw each other once a week I started supplementing myself by pulling it once or twice in-between- and I even looked at porn a couple of times when my fantasies weren’t cutting it. I had that urge again and it never seemed to be satisfied. Before long, some level of ED started coming back, and I could tell that’s where things were headed again.
As a result I broke things off with this girl and decided to go 100% complete hardmode. And I believe it was the best decision I made all year. Before this I would have considered nofap an experiment- now it’s a lifestyle. And I’m committed to it. I’ve seen where the road of pleasure for pleasure’s sake goes. Right back to that lazy, apathetic dude I already spent most of my adult life being. Brain fog, low self-esteem, sore muscles, low energy, crankiness- the list goes on and on. After experiencing how good life could be by living in NoFap mode, the contrast between the 2 ways of living was striking.
The sex was nice but I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I didn’t really love her or even want to be with her, I stayed with her for the booty. That can’t sustain a relationship and it’s unhealthy in the long term (for both parties). I would say sex can actually be a hindrance to the re-boot process if you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. Try to be with someone you really care about at least.
I’m not going back to the way it was- I’ve realized that I’m not that guy anymore. So I’m taking this a lot more seriously this time- I see that a relapse starts long before you start touching your wang- it starts in your head. If you’re indulging in sexual thoughts all the time, sooner or later you’re going to head down that road. So that’s no longer OK with me. Not that I beat myself up if a thought pops in there, but I don’t dwell on it. I’ve got much better things to focus on. I’m really into this whole idea of retention and transmutation, and with the aid of meditation and creative visualization I think I’ve started to grasp how you can actually transform that strong sexual energy into other forms, and it’s really exciting. I think transmutation is the key to succeeding and not relapsing. All that sexual energy has to go somewhere and if all you’re doing is bottling it up, sooner or later it’s gonna blow. So that’s a really intriguing part of this journey for me now.
Superpowers? The best one for me is that just lately I have started playing music again, and for the longest time I couldn’t find the inner drive to do it (I used to play a lot more). What’s more, it seems to be coming to me a lot more naturally than in the past. My brain is clearer and more efficient, and so I learn faster. This is exciting for me because I love music and this will give me somewhere to channel all that extra nervous energy. Otherwise, just feeling more confident and balanced. I’m hoping to kick weed this year too, but one thing at a time- I’ve learned not to overdo things all at once.
Thanks to everyone on this sub- reading this has really helped me to strengthen my resolve and inspired me in so many ways. And compared with 2 years ago, I am seeing way more long-term warriors and hard-moders, with more emphasis on semen retention as a permanent lifestyle. It’s so amazing to see so many people working to better themselves in so many ways. I am pushing through to 90 and beyond- way beyond- and even if I should falter I will rise again, because I have seen the light. There is a better way. Thank you brothers.
I think that meditation can help you get some control over your body’s functions. See if you can do 10 minutes every day. Even if you are just sitting still for 10 minutes. By doing this it can help you visualize the sexual energy going from your genitals up your spine and out through the top of your head. And once you start doing this mental exercise every time you feel aroused, you will start to actually feel it work. I’m far from an expert though and I’d recommend reading other sources on the subject- in fact I’m looking to learn more about it myself.
So far it’s mostly just visualization- picturing the energy going from my nuts up through my tailbone into my spine and out the top of my head. It helps if I’m in a meditative state in the dark as well. Important to be relaxed and not to fight the sexual arousal- embrace it while recognizing it as kinetic energy that can be moved around your body. Breath slowly and deeply. Those are my only tips so far, I’m really an amateur at it but seem to have had some success a number of times- when it works, it results in the sexual “urge” dissipating and a nice energizing yet calming feeling settling over the whole body. It’s actually an amazing feeling when it works.
I’ll be 47 on Thursday.
UPDATE – 97 Days < Life
Hello warriors, just wanted to stop in quickly to let you know this old timer (47) has made it 97 days (for the first time) as of today and IT FEELS GOOD BROTHERS. Let me tell you the temporary pain is well worth the long term gain, and I now consider this a permanent lifestyle change and wouldn’t dream of going back. If you’re struggling in the early phases I urge you to fight the good fight and stay strong, because it will pay off!
You’ve heard it all before and I’m here to tell you it’s true: so much more energy, confidence, creativity, optimism. So many less fucks given! I’m starting to really feel in control of my life and starting to see how I’m going to be able to actually make a lot of my dreams come true. Dreams I spent years thinking I wasn’t good enough for, making lame excuses when the truth is I was lazy and weak and caught up in something the whole world seemed ready to assure me was “completely normal and healthy”.
But that was then- this is now. Today, I feel good, I feel healthy, I feel RIGHT. Balanced. Vital. It’s exciting. I’m kind of an old dude and I haven’t felt this good in at least 20 years. To tell you the truth I’m not really sure if I ever felt this good.
Advice to give? 3 weeks ago I started doing a weekly fast- drinking only vegetable juice, water and cashew milk for 24 hours. That really seems to have accelerated a lot of the benefits of this lifestyle a LOT, and gives me a massive energy burst for the first few days of the week after the fast. It’s going to be something I stick to. I also cut most breads out of my diet and try to consume mostly veggies, beans and rice. Lately I’m surprising myself with my stamina- last Friday I had to get up and work about 18-19 hours in a row, and while I was pretty beat by the end I definitely had reserves of energy left and recouped after only a short sleep. That would have killed the old me and taken me days to recover from.
I also recommend at least a little meditation every day, really helps to slow your system down and hit the reset button. And can really help you let go of those fucks you shouldn’t be giving in the first place;). I’ve also been reading up on transmutation and “taming the dragon” and I think that seems to be the best path to long term success with this pursuit (that’s a whole other topic and I won’t go into it but you can ask in the comments if you want).
Another positive change is that I suspended my Facebook account and so am completely out of that world. Without FB the internet isn’t nearly as distracting and so I’ve been cutting my screen time down drastically, filling up that time with guitar playing and other pursuits. I really feel like I’m transforming from an “observer” into a “DO-er”- I can’t stand the thought of sitting for hours endlessly clicking around on YouTube watching conspiracy vids and eating junk food- but that was a regular part of my life not too long ago. The contrast between so many aspects of the life I used to consider “normal” and which now I see as harmful, wasteful and sad is startling to me at times. I only wish I had figured this out earlier in life.
TLDR: Old fart tries NoFap lifestyle and loves it. I feel like my life has a second chapter starting up now, and it’s going to be by far the best part of the book. Much thanks to this community for really giving me the confidence to try this and see for myself that it works. I hope I can help pass on some of that confidence to say that you can do it too, and if you’re struggling don’t give up, you’re stronger than you think you are.