I posted this in my journal but for the general audience… I would have NEVER believed this was possible – society tells you can’t control urges, etc… that’s a LIE you CAN DO IT.
How I got to 90….
Choosing living over just ‘existing’ that’s what this is about..
Energy: more energy- lots of it!
More motivation to live in the world.
body: I have done more – exercise gotten out, socialized.
mind: feel much better about myself. not shameful and guilty all day for doing something I know was wrong.
spirit: working through struggles has brought me better understanding of myself and brought me closer to God. I realize what incredible spiritual and religious resources I have and that words prayer and even ritual aren’t just motions you go through when you really engage in them the changes are incredible. When I really connect spiritually, the motivation for porn, fap and unclean thoughts goes away.
mind: Realizing how hyper sexualized I am – how I was wasting enormous amounts of time thinking about sex, looking for girls to oogle at, planning my life around looking at a nice ass. I also realize that there are forces that want to keep you down. Advertisers, companies, people going nowhere in life or who have ‘bought in’ to the consumerist lifestyle. Not get all conspiracy minded here, but what our leaders want are dumb, numb, distracted sheep – like ancient Rome empire- preoccupied with chariot races, orgies and feasts – (compare that to the roman republic, literally the farmers put down their ploughs and picked up their swords to defend their motherland.
What was most effective:
Below are clips from my journal and other posters – these are the tools i found most effective.
If I really understood that life was a great adventure, just waiting for me to partake in, would i sit at home alone and fap no!
a. cold showers – daily – and staying physically clean. Many have posted about the benefits here.. I concur!
b. starting the day right: Prayer and scripture reading. If you’re not religious – try to focus on some virtue or how you are going to choose to live today
c. the rosary- I have misgivings about Eastern meditation – i don’t believe its healthy to ‘clear’ the mind- I believe its healthy to FILL the mind with something good. This simple, ancient exercise has wonderful long term effects..
d. spiritual: attending church services a few times a week.- i thought this would be ‘boring’ but i found it amazing interesting and recharging. I am fortunate to ave beautiful churches nearby- literally like medieval -dark, cool with beautiful stained glass … they truly inspire contemplation.
e. Get Busy!– you burn up an enormous amount o
f. Identify your triggers and break that behavior.
for me- it non porn internet surfing /image overload… not having a clear direction for the day, lingering on the computer.
g. Strengthen yourself while you are strong.
– a common problem is to start to feel good about being x days free you start to forget to remind yourself why you quit. Then you start ‘edging’ behavior: a peak there.
another powerful technique – when a thought /urge comes say ‘i don’t have to listen to you’ imagine a little troll whispering on your shoould er and flick it off – practice this when urges are mild – and it will be of help when they are strong.
A tip from Marcus Aurelius Meditations: blandly describe the thing you are seeing. With food for example- it’s just a piece of animal flesh, that will rot away:
‘Like seeing roasted meat and other dishes in front of you and suddenly realising: This is a dead fish. A dead bird. A dead pig. Or that this noble vintage is grape juice, and the purple robes are sheep wool dyed with shellfish blood. Or making love – something rubbing against your penis, a brief seizure and a little cloudy liquid.
“To figure out if something is good for you, you have to ask two simple questions : where does it lead me? And how will it leave me?” thanks @fercho29
- Remember how awful I felt the last time I m’d and started a journal here.
- remember how the promise of ‘joy’ was a LIE to and made me feel disgusted and horrible.
- No One, no one no one looks back on life and wishes they wanked more.
- Remember how good it feels to work through an urge – on the other side of every urge I overcome I start to awaken to my REAL dreams and desires.
“A wise man will be master of his mind, a fool will be its slave.”
“I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin.”
h. start a journal and reread it regularly. Read your journal from start to finish one day a week. The benefits are enormous- its a tool box, monitor and a place to be accountable, if only to yourself.
i. read relapse reports and success stories – remind yourself how awful it feels to give into an urg.
Remember on the other side :
“I feel jittery and socially awkward and anxious like you can’t believe.
Each time I abuse porn it gets a tiny shade more extreme. I spent a great deal of my last session fantasizing about homosexual activity in a forced femdom context. Now returned to normal after orgasm, I feel absolutely disgusted”
and how good it feels to overcome:
“I just had a revelation, I overcame the urge to fap, and realize how awful I would have felt if I gave in to unwanted fantasies, I need to get out and LIVE – life is a great adventure, waiting for me!”
Anything fake is giving your addiction a dopamine hit. Avoid everything fake (fantasies, pics, videos, reading material) in order to recover.
j. have a couple of ‘core’ quotes.
- “once and for all, who do I want to be”?
- ‘No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”
- “. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God?”
- “Once you were in darkness but now you’re in the light. Walk as children of light”
- Even if you are not Christian- at least look at your body as a sacred gift.
- “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
- Philippians 4:6″
And thanks to everyone whose helped me along the way!:
LINK – How I Got to 90 days and beyond