Been reading all I can about PMO harmful effects for almost a year…porn free for about 10 months, nofap for 44 days..this after being a disgusting porn addict since the 80s…stories I could tell…but never thought I could live without PMO at least several times a week, if not daily. Approaching 50 years old I have a new life thanks to this community.
So after several months of no porn and reading books like The Porn Trap, Out of the Shadows, YBOP, recoverynation and anything else I could find on unwiring my brain and rewiring, it occurred to me that maybe I could do more.
Being on hard mode this entire time (I’m in a bad marriage that’s either going to end or get better…yet another story for another post) I thought “What’s the opposite of porn?” Porn is sex without emotions or connection or love or intimacy..then the opposite (assuming one is single and/or intimacy is not an option) is a romantic movie or novel.
So I have watched Notting Hill, Before Sunrise, The Notebook, Jerry Maguire and just finished a Danielle Steele novel. The movies were OK, but I found myself sexualizing the female stars. Reading the romantic novel really made an impact on me! I began to empathize with the female lead character… Her longing for relationship, connection, intimacy, love and romance…not porno sex.
So I’m in Southern Cal this week on vacation and instead of lusting and wanting to fantasize about every attractive woman I see…I’m thinking about their life and desire for true relationship instead. I’ve had urges to fantasize, but much easier to dismiss and see women as people not sex objects.
Hope this helps someone, thanks for all the great insight within this community!
TL:DR almost a year porn free after 30+ yrs of PMO…reading romantic novels helping me rewire brain and not objectifying women but empathizing with their desire for true connection and intimacy.
LINK – The Opposite of Porn