I’m five days short of going 90 full days without PMO and I thought I do a little write up in hopes that some of you out there might get something out of it. About me, I’m a 51-year old male, divorced, and I first started MO around 13 and using porn around 18 (magazines mostly).
I remember the first heady days of internet porn (10 minutes to download one gif!) and as most folks here did, I progressed to downloading videos and then using tube sites as the technology progressed. For the past 10 years or so I’ve had moderate but sporadic PIED, but in the last two years it became severe and I basically was unable to have penetrative sex with a partner.
Over past few years I’ve tried both porn free and no-fap with not much success. My longest streak was 56 days (about 3 years ago) but I fell right back into my porn habits and continued to slide down that dirty slope of longer sessions, more graphic types of porn, etc. I can’t say I ever really got depressed over it but I was very frustrated with my inability to perform and failure at giving up a habit I knew was destructive. I tried Viagra and Cialis with some success but I wanted to cure the problem.
Eighty-five days ago seemingly for the hundredth time I vowed to make a clean break and go at least 90 days hard mode. And so far I’ve made it (with a few exceptions that I’ll note below). So what changed?
The biggest change was that six months ago I moved from the Midwest to a beach community on the Carolina coast to pursue a job opportunity. I went from a place where the female talent pool was pretty poor to a town where it is overwhelmingly great. I can’t tell you how motivating it is to see pretty girls walking around town every day, smiling and just being feminine. That alone has been a huge incentive to stay porn free. The second big change was hitting the gym and watching my diet. When I mean hitting the gym, I mean doing it religiously 5 to 7 times a week. I’ve also gone from a diet of burgers, pizza, and too much alcohol to fish, chicken, rice, vegetables, and moderation. I’m not a monk, I enjoy a few drinks on the weekend and the occasional burger, but that now forms about 5% of my diet instead of 95%. The result of all that is I’ve lost 20 pounds so far, feel better physically and much more confident. I know it’s common advice here to exercise and eat right, but guys, do it! No matter what it takes, find a way to get in better shape. You’ll thank yourself for it.
As far as how I quit porn, I just got sick of what it was doing to me and I haven’t watched so much as a frame for the last 85 days. I know that doesn’t help any of you that are struggling with urges but for me it was just a case of getting disgusted enough with myself that I went cold turkey. I rarely even think about porn anymore. If I do have fantasies, it’s about girls I know, not porn stars. I guess the only advice I have is think long and hard about what porn has done to you, how much time and money you’ve wasted on it, how it’s destroyed your sex drive and ability to perform, and how many real encounters with women you’ve missed out on because of it, and then maybe you’ll get as disgusted with it as I did.
As I said above, I didn’t make it the whole time in true hard mode. At about day 70 I broke down and had sex with a partner and have about a half-dozen times since. The good news is I was able to have full penetrative sex on three occasions! But the bad news is I completely failed to get aroused two times and twice could only get aroused enough for oral. Still, it was a vast improvement for me. I feel like I’m only at about 50% performance-wise but I have faith it will get better. I plan on laying off any further encounters for a while and going back to hard mode for a month or so.
That’s about it. Feel free to ask me anything. It’s been a long struggle but I finally feel like I can beat the problem!