Age 55 – 2 years: Three things I’ve learned

There are three things I have learned in the two years I have been dealing with the addiction (I have been aware I am addicted for two years, addicted much more than that):

  1. It starts with lack of connection
  2. It’s all about the brain and retraining it
  3. I have a choice

It starts with lack of connection

  • From what I have read, all addiction has its roots in the experience of a lack of connection.
  • This fits in my experience – the times I have the urges to PMO are when I feel alone, afraid, anxious, etc.
  • To have true success in dealing with the addiction seems to take establishing nurturing connections with others
  • One of the things that has made the biggest difference for me is telling a few close friends that I am addicted and what I have been going through.
    • It was VERY difficult the first time I did this. It continues to be uncomfortable, and MUCH less so than before

It’s all about the brain and retraining it

  • Endless gratitude to Gary Wilson, who created
    • When I stumbled onto his website was when I realized that I was addicted. This began my recovery.
    • If you haven’t looked at that website – stop what you are doing and go there now
  • I have unwittingly trained my brain to go to porn and want more and more
  • What it takes is retraining my brain
    • This takes practice and time
    • The practice can at times be very uncomfortable (just like physical exercise)
    • Sometimes I fall
    • And, like any training regime, the more I stick at it, it pays significant benefits
  • I am not bad, wrong, god doesn’t hate me, I am not the scum of the earth
    • I have just unwittingly trained my brain a certain way and what there is to do is retrain it

I have a choice

  • I have a choice whether I go to the PC and look at porn or I
    • Get up and go for a walk
    • Phone a friend
    • Go exercise
    • Anything else
  • And, sometimes I forget I have a choice

I hope this helps.

Thank you all – those who started this site, those who have been on for a while, those who just joined. You presence makes a difference for me.

LINK – 3 Things I have learned

by chris4nj



It’s a little difficult for me to start writing. I just feel so ashamed. And, pretty lonely. It’s likely that feeling that I have used internet porn / masturbation / orgasm to displace.

A little bit about me. I am 55 years old. Started masturbating probably 12 or 13 – my father collected Playboy magazine. As I got older and buying magazines for myself, I would be ashamed at the cash register, and would buy them anyhow. In the late ’90’s began looking at internet porn. I have gone through periods of not – one as long as 2 months. However, never stopping. This week I came across the website and realized for the first time I am an addict. I realized that I can’t just look at one image, or just look for 5 minutes. Like an alcoholic can’t stop after one drink. I can see many of the symptoms mentioned in that site. And, I do want to rewire my brain.

Something I suspect is related – and seems related to the shame – is that in relationships it always looks to me like I am not loved. Then I do all kinds of weird shit to compensate – doing a lot for the other person, spend more money than I have, throw tantrums etc.

I see I can use my addition to have more compassion for others, to be better able to serve.

I will post over the next 87 days during my reboot (maybe not Thanksgiving and New Years …)

Thank you for being there, for having the site, and for listening. It’s great to not feel completely on my own.