So for the whole nofap journey not a lot has happened I hadn’t had any luck with girls, sad times. When suddenly from day 89 out of nowhere I’m suddenly spoilt for choice. I made out with some girl I met out which rocketed my confidence and she’s now constantly messaging me. The same day I matched this girl on tinder who is incredible and we have insane amounts in common.
Literally the same day I found 2 girls really into me by some weird day 89 miracle power. I’m going out and catching girls checking me out and I’m really confused how this all came flying in at once. The week before I was really lonely and down and hated myself then suddenly I’m a magnet.
I showed this girl I knew a picture of this girl who is really attractive who i’m meeting and she says Oh… you can do so much better! you’re much more attractive than her. WHAT?! ARE YOU HITTING ON ME TOO?! HOW DO I DEAL WITH ALL THIS FEMALE ATTENTION?! WHERE HAS ALL THIS COME FROM?!
Literally my entire life I’ve gone under the idea that I’m a very below average looking guy and never had the self-esteem so haven’t put myself out there too much only got with girls by sheer luck. Suddenly once I get self-esteem all these girls are flocking towards me. Confidence really is attractive. I’ve wasted so many years wallowing in self-pity and hating myself when in reality I apparently I have a lot going for me which I was not aware of. Perhaps not watching porn for so long literally has opened my eyes and made me see the world how it is.
Back to nofap, I have a dilemma, I’m meeting this girl on Monday and I’m really into her and she’s really into me but I haven’t fapped in 97 days. If something happens it’ll probably be one touch and suddenly I’ll completely erupt and that will surely impress her. So do I fap to get rid of the insane amount of stock I have? or do I keep going and not risk losing this super confidence? I’m worried if I fap I’ll revert back to being slightly awkward and shy and scare her away or something.
The whole point of this though is that you are the only one holding yourself back. Lack of confidence has set me back so much and now I’m finally destroying the chains my insecurities put me in.
January 2016 I was in a bit of a slump. I was single and lonely and wasted my days at university feeling bored and unfulfilled in most aspects of life. My outlook on life was gloomy and negative and I spent a lot of my time feeling sorry for myself in my room isolating and hiding away from everything. My best mate came down to visit me and we went out for a night out and had a good time and all but I still fell back into this slump fairly quickly. Day by day I’d find myself unmotivated just simply existing in my room. I was fed up with everything and wanted to desperately make a change yet continued to make no effort towards doing that. There were so many things about myself I needed to fix that I was at a complete loss where to start so just got flustered and continued stagnating. Then one day I read an article about a guy who didn’t masturbate for 30 days and thought well fuck that’s pretty insane who in their right minds would do that. He hated it. he felt good some days but like shit the next and had a few embarrassing sex stories due to finishing too quickly arise from it. I decided to do a little more research as he mentioned some benefits some people feel and then spent the day looking through random posts of people on here feeling exactly how I did about life and myself. Then I saw a post about brainfog. I’d had this for years and never actually named it I just thought of it as my head feeling jarred and hazy. I just assumed it was something I was always going to have and suddenly there seemed to be a fix. I felt ecstatic reading all these posts that this was a potential opportunity for me to feel human again so I decided to give it a go.
From January 10th to August 25th I didn’t touch myself once or look at any porn and to this day looking at that record still astounds me. The amount of willpower I had some nights were insane and battling the morning wood was always a struggle yet day in day out I resisted. The first 3 months were still gloomy but I had good days littered throughout so held tightly onto them. In the mid to late months of my adventure I felt like a fucking champion. My brainfog vanished after around 3 months and I couldn’t remember the last time I could think so clearly. My confidence was ridiculous. I wasn’t scared of anything, negative thoughts were so far and few and when they did crop up I’d douse them immediately. I was a new person, I was happy and confident and ready for anything (got laid wheyy). My mood dipped around the summer as I slowly found myself in debt and bored and alone most days and a girl I was chatting to rejected me and I was sent back into a spiral. A few months later with my confidence and energy levels fluctuating constantly I decided to end it. It wasn’t a rash decision it was one I’d been thinking about for a while. I decided that although I felt amazing for a long time perhaps it wasn’t the act of masturbating that made me feel this way, but actively making a big change in my life and consciously stopping myself doing something I enjoyed for my own benefit. I set and achieved a goal to do 30 days and then kept surpassing it. I didn’t give up when things got tough I stayed strong and this allowed me to transfer this strength into other areas in my life. I think controlling myself and saying no to a longtime habit made me aware I had much more power within myself than I imagined and this made me feel great.
Didn’t really touch on the porn thing but having close to 8 months away from it really made a difference, I no longer had to hide this habit and feel ashamed and I could talk to girls much more easily without fear. But yes as you’ve probably guessed I stopped in August and went back to watching porn and fapping but far less frequently than I had before. I would’ve likely slipped back into being fully addicted but less than a month later I met my awesome girlfriend and as I type this I just realized it’s our 9 month anniversary together. Without even realizing it I started up nofap again simply because I no longer needed porn or masturbation anymore as I was having sex daily. The next few months were definitely my happiest days of my life. Fast forward to now and I feel a bit meh. My grades weren’t the best this year, I’m broke and jobless, I rarely see my friends and I’ve began to waste my days away moping. My relationship is going great but we’re apart for the summer because we’re not at uni so I’ve gone back to masturbating quite frequently over porn. So I’m back here looking through posts feeling a tad miserable but coming back here has reminded me how far I’ve come from that sad lonely sack I was when I started. I achieved so much from this and reading my older posts made me remember how amazing I used to feel last summer. I’m back to feeling fearful and anxious most days but I’ve decided to quit porn again and not masturbate until I see her again. I want to reclaim that powerful feeling I once felt. It’s not gone I just need to rekindle it through training my mind to have strength day in day out once again.
Any of you reading this I suggest you try the same, If you quit your goal now what else will you quit? what other aspects of your life will you decide you can improve another day? Stop watching porn and stop masturbating if that’s what you want to do. It’s literally just your choice and yours alone. I can type whatever I want but at the end of the day I can’t stop you making that choice to watch it or masturbate. You can. Whenever you feel like giving in just remember you are a master of everything you do. You have the choice to strip naked and run around the street, you have the choice to go for a run around the block, you have the choice to walk up to an attractive girl and ask for her number and you have the choice to not watch porn. Some of those may seem unlikely or even impossible for you to do but they are all possible if you simply make the choice to do them. All that’s stopping you from doing something and not doing something is your own thoughts. You want to stop watching porn or not masturbate so keep that choice you made strong and powerful in your mind. Visualize that choice as something powerful, give it a form a body if you want. Make it a badass warrior fused with a mountain lion whatever you want just try and identify thoughts that will help you and power up this warrior and the thoughts they need to strike down and humiliate. Not sure if that makes sense or if it’ll work for you but I’m a very visual and imaginative person and turning thoughts and situations into physical forms seems to help me alot. Improve yourself and work on being the best and happiest you that you can be and I’ll try the same. Cheers for reading this far, typing all this out helped me out quite a bit to clarify my own thoughts and feelings, maybe it might help you do the same I dunno but good luck.