Fapped at least once a day since the age of 13, always to porn. Never even realised I had a problem until I stumbled upon this subreddit. I started noticing the changes in myself very quickly after beginning. Felt more motivated and ambitious, had more energy, lost the brain fog. Hit the flatline (which was tough) and came out the other side feeling good about myself. I’m no longer content with just sitting around and wasting my time.
(warning: potential triggers ahead) Last weekend I went to a mini-university reunion with some old friends. One of them was a girl I had always had a bit of a crush on. She never felt the same way towards me. However, that evening I felt confident, and free of a lot of the social anxiety that I used to feel. Eye-contact was strong. The conversation just flowed really effortlessly. She told me that she thought I had really changed a lot, and I felt so too. To cut a long story short, we ended up making out later that evening, went back to hers and fooled around a little. Everything but sex, pretty much. Didn’t take things further. Regardless, I felt really present and in the moment for the first time in any sexual encounter. Everything before this time had felt stale and empty, like I was just hooking up with the girl because that’s what men are meant to want (when really I just wanted to be watching porn).
The reason I bring all this up is because I noticed a NoFap benefit that I hadn’t anticipated. Like my emotions had come back to me after being repressed for so much of my life. I felt genuinely happy to be around this girl.
I’m ashamed to say that I’ve had girlfriends in the past that I liked a lot as people, but never really felt all that much besides that. They just felt like any other friend really, just one that I hanged around with more often. Like I wasn’t emotionally there with them. I always thought that was just how it was meant to feel… a little empty. Or that I was missing the part of the brain that most other people have that lets them feel connected with others. I felt defective. But that stagnant feeling seems to have lifted. Even now just thinking about that girl from last week brings a big smile to my face, and for the first time in my life I finally understand what it feels like to have these romantic thoughts occupying my head.
In fact, my emotions seem a lot more heightened in a general sense as well. You know that child inside of us that we all thought died years ago? I’m pretty sure mine was just inside a PMO prison of my own making. Everything in life just seems more colourful and vibrant and amazing now. Like I can finally appreciate everything.
Not PMOing isn’t going to automatically change your life for the better without any effort on your part… but it will equip you with the necessary outlook/mindset for you to make the best of every situation, and help you to improve yourself. I’ve still got a long way to go, but I’ve never felt better about myself than I have these past few weeks. I’ve never felt more optimistic. Like anything really is possible. Is this really how I could have been feeling during all those empty, dead teenage years?? Damn you, porn!!!
Before I used to beat my dick like it owed me money. From now on, his debts are cleared for life 🙂
I started my NoFap journey a little over a month ago.