I’m 167 days into this thing and I want people who are similar to me to know the reality of their situation. I started very early on in my life, escalating to fetishes by the middle of high school. I continued on like that until sometime during my freshman year of college, when I discovered this site. Then I spent the next 5 years trying to quit the damn habit.
I failed more times than I can remember. And now I’m here, at age 25, finally getting a grasp on it. And my brain is only just beginning to show signs of normalcy. I feel as if I’m only half-way there, and I’m coming up on 6 months. If you are like me and spent all of your teenaged years fapping and edging to porn, then prepare yourself for the long haul. 90 days is just the beginning of the beginning.
And I’m not trying to be a downer. Because the results I’ve experienced already are fantastic. But I’ve also experienced anxiety and depression due to PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome). My brain is learning to live without porn, and it’s taking a beating in the process. I have days where life is gray and bleak. Most days so far have been like that, including today.
But every once in a while I’ll have a day that blows my mind. Optimism and sex drive are present in full force, and life feels like it did back before the horribleness began to take over.
What I’m trying to say is that 90 days shouldn’t be your goal. That’s rubbish these days. Your goal should be to first accept the fact that this addiction is a real thing that has affected your life in the biggest way possible. It’s as serious as life itself. It is your life. Hell, it defined me for 6 years. And it still continues to do so. I plan on it being present in my thoughts for the next 2 years, maybe longer.
I’ve been damaging my brain and reinforcing devilish pathways for 15 years. It’s going to take more than 90 days to undue all of that. Any other train of thought is false and will lead you back down the rabbit hole. ACCEPT the pain and the damage this disease has caused. Only then will you realize its magnitutde and be able to build strong enough fortifications to keep it out. Until then, it’ll Trojan horse your ass until kingdom come.
There’s no nice way of saying any of this. And I desperately want to help others, because I know how much it sucks. I plan on helping guys with this until I’m 6 feet under, because whether I like it or not, I’m a porn addict. And all I can do from this point on is make the most of that.
I do want to reinforce the idea that it is more than worth it. It’s the greatest possible thing you can do for yourself, if you’re anything like me. You’ll have an innate sense of self-worth that you’ve never felt before as an adult. There’s no price you can put on that.
LINK – 167 days into this thing