I was that bitch. Like the title says. Long time lurker here. I am not that bitch anymore – drama queen, self-entitled, shallow, low self esteem, look-at-me I am pretty type, pleasing men to get attention (ironically posting here) but I just want to share my journey.
I started nofap last December and it was my keystone habit. Look that up and you might find yours. First was cleaning up everything. I deleted all my porn files, threw away all my toys, phone history, sexy clothes, make up, shit in my room, and even toxic people in my life and I avoided people whom I was toxic to as well.
Next is change of perspective. I started to believe I am better than this. I was curious of who I could be without pmo. When I crave, I was thinking it isn’t me craving, it’s addiction, not me. The real me is stronger and is coming out of this abyss. Fuck. I had cried. I cried a lot. I missed porn. I missed touching me. Fuck. But everytime this happened I called a gay friend who is in this, too. We supported each other. It is better now though. Thank God. It gets easier…
In the meantime, I changed my routine. I am much healthier and I don’t need to show it with less clothes. Knowing within myself that I am fitter is enough. Going to the gym, exploring nature, pilates. No more gym selfies lol fuck that. Also, I read more now. Sensible people seem to be more drawn to me also, asking me when we would hang out again.
There are bad days. Like today. I am alone and lusting. Maybe writing here would keep me away and I feel better just typing here even if no one reads it. I am currently doing translation work more and also doing grad school so that’s great. I guess I have been more focused so work has better quality and more recommendations from other clients. Plus I love my job I realized maybe because now I get lost in the flow whilst teaching.
So yeah here I am. Mentally and emotionally, I feel… much more serene and accomplished. I know I might falter in the future but I know also that I would get up and fix it. I am happier now. 🙂 Yeah no more bitch. Pmo is just the surface. Change within is the answer. Being productive and better relationships, too.
I will check the site out. I am 27. I discovered m and o when I was 16. porn got really worse the last 6 years. Ugh. Bigger benefits? Just better outlook in life as a whole. You kinda see the bigger picture now of it instead of focusing on one thing like relapse or streak days.
LINK – I was that bitch