33 Days ago I began my NoFap journey. 4 days before NoFap I had my last PMO relapse. I’ve learned so much from these past 33 days. In those 33 days, I’ve had 1 release. I did 26 days of HardMode and on that 26th day my wife and I finally were able to be with each other. It was GLORIOUS! You may ask why HardMode? After the last relapse I was hit with so much shame. I thought about admitting it to my wife, but because I’ve been caught in the past, I did not want to bring hurt back into the relationship. Well, I could not hide anymore. She had a dream that I was totally looking at P and that I MO’ed. CRAZY!! She asked me if it was true and I again was caught.
Things needed to change. She was hurt, but not angry. She encouraged me to get help and to look into some kind of anti porn movement. I stumbled upon NoFap and it has been a game changer. Learning about how our brains work has been a huge eye opener. I used to really struggle with P before our marriage and brought some of it into our marriage. Over the years I have been able to dwindle it down to a handful of times over the last few years, however my real struggle was with MO. We have 4 kids. If you don’t already know, as babies come into the picture, sex life changes. She’s tired, I’m tired. After a baby has been sucking on her breast all day long the last thing she wants is to have me all up on her. So, over the past 7 years when she’s tired, I simply would pleasure myself.
We would talk about it and she was really not into it, but to help keep me from PMO she agreed to let me take pics of her and video of us together to use that instead of P. I convinced myself that MO was not a bad thing and that it was healthy. It was so far from the truth.
My habitual MO routine drive us apart. Where we used to come together intimately I was actually looking forward to my time alone. I got deeper into it. I bought a toy plug and that introduced me to a whole new world of MO. I managed to not use this in combination with P.
However I hit a low last year after I felt a need for heightened masturbation techniques. So, I searched for vids of males ejaculating. It’s embarrassing to admit, but I did it a few times. I am not gay, but something about watching it come from another penis gave me a rush. This is when I knew my MO habit was out of control for me. It was time to confess that.
I recently told my wife about it and she has been very supportive. She did ask me if I was gay and I think I made her panic, but she understood after some good talking. NoFap has helped me rid myself of my MO routine and I am very grateful. Since Nofap I have seen a huge increase in our physical touch and connection. There are some emotional (betrayal feelings) things we are working though, but we as a couple are seeing the benefit of me keeping my hands off my own member. If you have any questions I am here to share. This community is a very powerful one. It has changed peoples lives. We as a couple are moving toward healing and are looking forward to a very healthy sex life in our future. Thank you!!