Report: As I mentioned in the past, I used ‘Learned Optimism’ ‘s technique of Disputation to kill my urges. Based on my findings from other NoFappers, I found more visual flashbacks and vivid ones as well creeping into my mind of late. I believe this has to do with me feeling alone from time to time in the GF department.
Something I’ve wanted but I have refrained from, as I told myself, if I can’t take care of myself and show some responsibility, care and dedication to my well being, I don’t deserve to take on the responsibility of looking out for someone else. I’m not being hard on myself for this factor, but I think I’ve objectified women plenty enough over my 12 year PMO addiction, and enough is enough.
1. Physical Health: Been doing IF as mentioned previously, trying to work down to 10-12% bodyfat in before I do a lean mass build. Still gyming 3 days a week and working 5.5 days a week. 5×5 working sets of 65kg squats with perfect form and good depth. 55kgs on deadlifts and I just tried out alternating grip until I strengthen my grip a little bit more from weights and not jerking off 😛 haha. My hips have started loosening up from doing stretches, when you are immobile and overweight they tend to tighten up and I haven’t been physically active for almost 4.5 years. Nothing consistent anyways. My weight loss is now at 12.5kgs. I started out at 90kgs around Mid November but has no results in weight loss.
Then I started my IF journey on the 22nd of December. My energy levels I fairly decent. I finally started waking up early for early morning gym sessions prior to work. I try to train fasted as much as possible with just having 10g of BCAA’s and water 15 minutes before my workout. Side note: I can finally fit into some of my old clothes that I stopped wearing. I need to punch a new hole for my belt buckle as I have to constantly readjust my jeans or pants around my waist. Feels really good being a lot lighter in weight, and the trainers at my gym have been incredible at supporting me. I’ve never been weights hungry with my workouts, I’m very particular about having perfect form before proceeding forward.
2. Mental Health I feel a bit more free. In terms of stress and feeling anxious about scenarios, I find my mind is constantly looking for a working solution to almost any problem I’ve faced so far. I’ve played less of video games as well and that has helped with the stress (MOBA’s are the death of you when it comes to teamwork and stress). I noticed that I stopped biting my nails for almost 3.5 weeks now, which I can’t even remember when was the last time I had nails and skin around my fingertips from anxiously biting away at them.
The brain fog comes around every now and again, oddly enough, I don’t know if its brain fog but I just sometimes lose my train of thought for a brief moment when talking to people within in depth conversations. But its a massive improvement compared to pre-hardmode NoFap. Focus is definitely a lot higher and my level of comprehension to most scenarios seems to be more alert and also respectable. By respectable, I mean acting accordingly or appropriately without any outburst of “Get fucked mate” 😛
3. Sexual health This one is tough. Doing hardmode and being single, I have nothing to affirm my sexual health. All I can say is the flatlining stopped around day 60ish (refer to my last post) and my libido is back and I don’t know if this is normal but my dick feels like a steel bar that could break concrete? (not sure if I want to test this theory either). No wet dreams at all during this entire time or blue balls. I only had blue balls once at it was one of my early attempts at NoFap from edging hard as well.
4. Emotional Intelligence and Women (Not a spiritual guy) I don’t meditate, I just do some deep breathing techniques and any time I can’t dispute a mental image, I count 1 to 10 and visualise the numbers in bold font and that usually helps me kill urges. In regards to women, I don’t really notice women checking me out. I see a lot of posts about confidence increasing and women paying attention, superpowers the works and truth be told I’ve been so focused on losing weight, learning my stuff for uni and working that I’ve hardly paid attention to it to realise. I was always good at masking my anxiety in normal situations. I am known to be the talker and the one to make people laugh. Only issue I ever had was sexually escalating a conversation. I know folks that are close to me are shocked looking at me saying holy shit dude you lost lots of weight etc. I’ve only seen 2-3 girls checking me out at most.
I did ask a girl out after Day 30 and I think I was overly excited about reaching 30 days that I kinda shot to the moon without showing some patience. Definitely showed some balls compared to my past where I’d just continue to be “Best Friend” dude so I was quite pleased with that.
I’m quite raring to go after day 100, I will be stopping the hardmode and going into Easy mode. I just want to make it clear, my rules for easy mode is still no edging, no PMO at all, only thing I will allow is sex or sexual activity in general. I plan on asking another girl out after my 100th day, whether she says yes or no will not faulter my cause, as I’ve mentioned in my other post, I’m way too invested in this now to just turn tail and lose it all.
Another thing I noticed is that I’m not objectifying women as much or feeling any kind of anger or hatred towards them. I treat the women within my family with a lot more respect and courtesy, I don’t swear at them anymore and treat them inappropriately. I find that I can most certainly make perfect eye contact and will always look a girl right into their iris and pupils when I’m talking to them. Truth be told this is my favourite thing interacting with women looking right into them, I’ve always had a slight gift of being able to read someones emotions and their facial expressions. I find my mind doesn’t say crude things like, oh shit she’s fat and fugly, whatever garbage my brain would say in the past about women when I look at them is non existent now.
End note: Thanks to all the various posts on NoFap and I certainly have viewed relapses and success stories on an equal plateau to stop me from the urges. I have also beaten urges by responding and replying to post and upvoting as well. I feel better and greater, but the human element of me still gets the better of me, and sometimes that feeling of not having someone special to share epic memories and laughs or even tears is something that lingers within my heart like a nice warm fire on a cold winter night slowly smoldering away. But I know this will change, if not sooner, it will later. (don’t feel the need to reassure me on this, I know change will come, but even if I reach 100 days or beyond that, I submitted myself to 12 years of damage and subsequently ruined plenty of relationships around me, so as a man that believes in Karma, I’m sure this positive step to moving ahead will create some new and promising opportunities.
Motivation for Nofappers struggling and relapsing: I certainly hope that anyone who is struggling with their 3-4 day relapses, please look deep within yourselves and find out what is it you truly want for YOU! not getting a GF, not being super successful and rich etc, being porn free etc. you need to plan and work towards that, there is no point dreaming about the end result because it will all seem too easy and the moment you face an obstacle you will just stumble and give up. You are the most important factor if not the only factor in your equation to move ahead in your life. I implore you to think a little deeper than whatever is around you and work towards a greater future. Once you have a grip on your life and not your dick to PMO again you will have the capacity to help shape the futures of those around you!
If you read this mega long post, thank you, I can’t be fucked putting a TLDR segment here considering I took the time to write the above :P. Once again best of luck to everyone, I hope your soul searching grants you some peace and harmony and I certainly hope this post provides motivation to some if not all those on this forum and beyond, I know that your posts has certainly empowered me onto this journey, which I know is just the beginning. I shall make a post on Day 90 and will keep that short and sweet. See you folks then 🙂