I have to say it’s not easy to break any habit, the past 30 days have been very challenging but also very rewarding!
I have been using Internet porn since I was 14. I’ve been masturbating daily and some times even 2-3 times per day until three years later shortly after I turned 17. One day when I ejaculated after masturbating to internet porn, I felt extremely exhausted, like something was taken out from my body, and ever since then I could no longer get a proper erection even with porn usage.
I was scared to death when it happened, and I was too afraid to talk to my parents about it. In the following few months I felt very weak and vulnerable, I felt sleepy and couldn’t concentrate, and my grades dropped like sky diving. I’ve seen a few doctors afterwards but none of them was helpful.
A few months later things got better, I seemed to have recovered from the weakness but my penis was no longer working as it used to, no morning woods, no spontaneous erections, no whatsoever! Imagine how painful it is for a 17 year old boy to have severe ED!
Two years later I went to college. Despite all the problems I was facing, I could not stop watching porn and masturbating, it’s like a cancer growing inside your mind and you cannot get rid of it!
After many year’s of extreme porn, normal pornography can no longer satisfy my need, just as Gary Wilson pointed out in his TED speech “they would go for porn that doesn’t match their sexual orientation”, eventually I downloaded some gay porn and oh my… it’s like a whole new world! In the beginning, I would feel very uncomfortable when I saw gay kissing scenes, it made me wanna puke, so I would skip to oral/anal sex scenes. After some more clips I got used to kissing scenes, and heck, after a while I could even watch a whole gay porn without skipping!
By that point, I have already messed up my sexual orientation. I still like girls, but I could feel the urge to peek at guys’ dicks in public toilets, but NO emotional feelings at that time. With time I seem to have developed feelings towards men too. Now at age of 26, I’m attracted to both guys and girls! (I’m sorry if I offended anyone, I don’t think there is anything wrong with LGBT, I’m just very confused about my sexual orientation.)
I had sex with both guys and girls, but unfortunately none of them was successful, I couldn’t get a proper erection for penetrations, I couldn’t maintain an erection when receiving oral sex. Eventually I gave up and lost interest in real sex.
I’ve seen quite a few doctors over the years but none of them solved my problems. I’ve seen more than 10 doctors this year alone and wasted thousands of dollars! I tried Viagra, Cialis, Message, Traditional Chinese Medicine, Acupuncture almost everything I could try, but no, NONE of them worked! I asked all the doctors the same question that whether my ED is caused by excessive masturbations, surprisingly almost all of the doctors assured me that masturbation won’t cause ED! And that my ED is psychological not organic.
I was so desperate for answers, so I turned to Google to see if there is a connection between masturbation and ED, and so I found Gary Wilson’s website YourBrainOnPorn.com, OMG I feel so relieved to find out that I’m not alone and that there is a way to cure myself. Suddenly I found answers to all my problems!
So I started my Nofap challenge on 1st December, now at 30 days, I feel so much better!! Starting from week 3 I started to have morning erections, which were strong enough to wake me up. Now I can also get a firm erection by stimulating my penis, although it will only last a few seconds unless I keep stimulating. I almost had a wet dream this morning, but I held back the urge to ejaculate the moment I woke up from the dream. Overall I feel more confident, more energetic and more social!
I understand that it will take longer for younger guys to rewire their brains and reboot, but I’m up for the challenge, be it 6 months or 1 year, I’m determined to cure myself and live a better life! Happy new year everyone! I hope we will all realise the goals we set for 2015!