I got emotional this morning… after a woodie when I woke. It’s one hell of an achievement for me not cracking one off for 3 months. I feel different, confident with myself that I have more control over what I do and think sexually.
It was a well needed change for my life. I’m currently not in a sexual relationship and it has crossed my mind whether I should masturbate again or not as there is no other sexual outlet available to me at the moment.
I’ve chosen to abstain and try hard mode until I am in a relationship…. the reason being masturbation over 32 years has helped destroy four relationships and a marriage. The next one I want to go into as clean as I can.
I have no plans to leave nofap for a while yet. I have still hard work to do with urges, dopamine and other habits that will be now easier to tackle now I’ve tackled one of the hardest tasks a man could undertake.
I’m more confident around people including women. I’ve now also starting building more of a social life outside of the digital realm. This has been a great by product of doing nofap…. Less time for social media.
I feel alive, happy, healthy and ready to tackle each and every day now.
I’m researching a lot and learning a lot on brain chemistry in particular dopamine. It is very enlightening to know the central role it plays in almost EVERYTHING to do with our culture from sex to shopping to eating to marketing influence for being sold to by the media giants.
We are essentially fucking zombies high on dopamine most of the time… and in this civilization one who can enlighten themselves about how it is used to influence us all in our daily lives not just porn, is someone who stands out from the crowd and in a position to achieve what they want.
Stay cool brothers… there is a life outside of porn and it is waiting for you… grab it with both hands leave your dick in your trousers for the women in your life.
UPDATE – Five Months Ago….
Five months ago my thoughts on a daily basis swam in a cesspool of porn, sex, masturbation, fantasy and constant sexualisation.
Today my thought processes are so much more different and along the way I have learned many things which I’ll list below.
I’ve learned that:
- I don’t need to be aware of the constant passage of time to have a productive day.
- I don’t need to sexualise women to communicate with them.
- I Don’t need to watch porn for personal pleasure
- I Can live without masturbating.
- I Can control my internet use.
- Sex is better than masturbation will ever be.
- Porn is not real life
- Society is way to sexualised
- Sex chat fantasy fucks with the mind
- I can live without mainstream TV
- I will not die if my internet is not connected
- I can survive the night without my cellphone next to my bed
- I can talk to women without being sexual in any way
- I have self respect
- I have will power
- I have More energy and focus
- I do not need to be hyper sexualised with sex on the mind all the time.
- I am far more attractive to the opposite sex being free from PMO
It has taken months to get this far, I’ve worked really hard, been very determined and I know relapse, if I don’t keep my guard up CAN happen, this i am under no illusion with.
With willpower, determination, focus and a WANT to change your lifestyle, things will change for the better. All it takes is commitment, resolve and focus to be the best version of yourself right now.
UPDATE – 240 Days PMO Free
Today my counter clicks over to 240 days Masturbation Free. I’ve now gone 256 Days without watching Porn too.
It would be a lie to say I don’t think about M, how it use to feel, letting that rationalisation take over. It never gets that far.
I can freely talk about PMO with my current partner which to me means a lot really. I can talk to some friends too. My AP who i check in with daily has become a firm friend through messaging.
I know porn is out there still, waiting to be used. I’m no longer exposed too much to the sexualised society we live in due to streamlining my TV experience and the use of Internet Ad-Blockers. I don’t miss the shit that is spewed out on a hourly basis to draw me in and take over my senses. I’m very careful what i expose my mind to.
How do i feel. I feel peaceful for the most part. I’m no longer an angry tunnel visioned freak looking for his next porny fix from whatever source i could find at the time. It doe just not interest me at all.
There is more to life that “sex” What i mean by that is fake sex. You know… porn, it isn’t real it is a moving image on a screen conducted for the most part by actors. The still image is the same. It’s an image of reality, sometimes so warped by photoshop it bears no resemblance to the original source.
I pride myself in only getting genuinely aroused in the presence of my partner. I did have thoughts of PIED and ED at the beginning of the relationship and I’ve found that this is now mainly a confidence and focusing issue with me. If I can’t perform it’s because my mind has drifted not because of my PMO Past.
To the doubters and do-gooders in the Porn industry, mainstream medical world and any other section of society that promotes fakeness… FUCK YOU. I have my life back after 32 years of PMO. I’m out front.
365 Days ago I signed up to NoFap with the full intention of changing habits of a lifetime. 32 years of PMO is a long time. I started a journal, introduced myself, interacted and stuck to the promise I made to myself publicly. Last year to say “I’m a porn addict” was a relief and the beginning of a long, hard and often difficult journey that brings me here today.
Over the last 12 months I’ve M’d twice and both times with my partner. Never alone watching filth.
I havnt view porn in the last 12 months at all. I’ve no desire to fall down that hell hole again.
The advice I can give to help in your own journeys, based on my own experience is
- Take each day at a time, do a day and repeat
- Keep yourself busy
- Share your burdens with others
- Be honest about your addiction
- Get yourself an AP
- Get off of all social media for a while
- Install blockers
- Get into the real world
- Interact on NoFap
- Research addiction, dopamine use
- Learn to hate porn.. really despise it
- Do what it takes to stay clean one day at a time
- Study your past , learn your triggers and deal with them without masking the pain.
- Talk about the addiction
- Never forget where you where and how far you have progressed
- Reward yourself at 30 60 90 120 150 180 210 240 270 300 330 365 days clean
Put a note in your calendar app every 30 days as a reminder and stop counting each day. Reach it and reward yourself… just go out and fucking live your life. Don’t sit and masturbate your life away.