Well, I’ve finally made it, but to be honest, it doesn’t feel like it’s been all that long. 2015 has been a clean year for me. At the beginning of 2015, I watched a TED talks on how masturbation can cause social anxiety.
I knew right then and there what my problem was. I did not consider myself someone who struggles in social settings before I started fapping, but towards the end of middle school and the beginning of high school I realized that I had a problem. I realized that probably 80% of my social anxiety was caused by masturbation. By nature I’m not someone who goes out there and talks to everyone, but I had developed a personality where I wouldn’t even openly accept people who just wanted to talk to me.
Upon quitting, I gained a ridiculous burst of confidence and energy. The guilt that I had unknowingly carried on my shoulders disappeared, and with it, a new and more powerful version of myself emerged. It wasn’t actually that hard for me at first. I had a lot of motivation and knew my goals.
Unfortunately, I set a small goal of only 30 days PMO free. When I approached this date, I almost relapsed. I just didn’t care anymore, and I didn’t know my reasons for continuing. I was about to relapse, but luckily, my mom came home just in time and I realized what I was doing. The rest of the days went by without much event. There would be times when I would really get strong urges, but by just pushing through them, I gained overwhelming confidence in knowing that I control my body, not the other way around.
I had many wet dreams over these 90 days in which I relapsed, and it always scared me to death. I believe that these dreams actually helped me continue on. I was able to know the disgusting feeling of relapsing, without actually failing.
I have also noticed that our society is heavily sexual. I saw tits in a movie twice, and was exposed to lots of sexual dialogue with no way to avoid it. So many other men are made slaves to this viscous addiction. Stepping away from it made me realize how deeply scarred I was. I no longer look at women as simply sexual objects. I no longer try to catch glimpses of their bodies, (although it’s hard when they so openly reveal themselves) and I no longer need to.
I have been working on talking to more women, and several have shown signs of attraction towards me. It’s almost like they know. I have a clear mind, and clear conscience, in which I can think freely.
The fact is that I couldn’t have done it without this community. All those posts of success and little tips helped me greatly. This was the first time I have ever tried to abstain from porn and masturbation, so I am very proud of myself for getting to 90 days on the first try. I live a happier and easier life now. 90 days isn’t where it stops. I plan to go a full year, and then slowly reintroduce MO without porn once a month.
Good luck fellow fapstronaughts, and keep pushing on! (btw, can someone explain the cold showers? I never took any, and what is the point? I know there is the shrinkage factor but anything else. Just seems unnecessary to me.)
LINK – 90 Days, It’s not over yet!