I more or less lived with depression & anxiety since my late teens: Both are gone.


I told myself six months ago if this day ever came I would share my story on reddit. This is actually my first time ever posting on reddit so woohoo. I hope my story will inspire some of you out there to start your own nofap journey or motivate others who are already on their own to continue.

So rewind to 6 months ago and the person I was then is quite different from the person I am now. I was a shallow, apathetic, unmotivated boy. I sort of breezed through life hopping from job to job, getting wasted every weekend or maybe every other day and not really having any aspirations of any kind to make myself a better person. I was always under the impression that masterbation was natural for men in their early 20s, such as myself, and depression and anxiety just went hand in hand with life. Porn was also natural. It’s just sex, right? It couldn’t be that bad. I thought most people, if not everyone casually had a chronic masterbation habit and there was nothing wrong with that. How bad could it be?

I remember quite vividly it was an especially dark and miserable december afternoon. In my city in Canada it can get quite dark in mid-winter. The lack of vitamin D combined with the heavy PMO habit I had and the heavy drinking rendered me utterly useless. I was laying on a couch breathing through my usual day-to-day anxiety. Every other breath was one of crushing chest pain, pins and needles, shaking, shivering, the list goes on. I instinctively deleted the last 10 to 15 minutes of browsing history on my phone and started flicking through the internet. Serendipitously I stumbled upon a video on youtube wherein a young man stands in front of a camera for about 20 minutes and talks about this thing called NoFap. I watched the entire video. I strangely noticed the way in which this man looked at the camera with both eyes, the way he held his shoulders back and spoke clearly and with conviction; things I never did. He spoke about how his life had done a complete 180 and he had a brand new lease on life. He had ‘become the man he was meant to be.’

The man he was meant to be. What did that mean?

The video ended and I sat there, breathing still through the anxiety, and thought about my life. Who was I? Was I the man I was meant to be? No. I wasn’t and I knew it. It was truly right then and there that I just made up my mind. I wanted a change that bad that I said to myself that’s it, i’m gonna quit PMO and i’m gonna go travel.

It was sort of like a rock bottom, i guess. It’s funny how a simple video on youtube could have had such a huge impact on me but it did. It was exciting though, this was a new challenge. We’ve all been there, that moment of bliss when we set a goal for ourselves and say we’re gonna do it. Whether or not we actually do is irrelevant because half the joy is simply just setting the goal. Slowly as time goes on we loose interest, get preoccupied with other things and simply forget. I was determined not to.

I decided on that day I was going to change my life. I quit my job, bought a one-way ticket to europe and was gonna go live my life fully and completely the way I always wanted to, but never had the balls to actually do. This was in late december, and by january I was in europe. A couple weeks into NoFap and about a week into travelling I started to notice something amazing. Asides from my balls feeling like they weighed 90 pounds and being hornier than a dog I had this incredible energy, this sort of new peace I had never felt before and most of all this amazing calmness I had around people. Strangers started becoming friends and I started developing new relationships, deep relationships that happened 10 times faster than ever would have before. This isn’t a post about travelling however so I’ll save the stories for another time.

I feel perhaps it was me consciously making such a dramatic change in my life by quitting my job and travelling that helped me get through the first 3 to 4 weeks of NoFap. The first month is gruelling. The cravings are intense. You either have an errection constantly or no boner for days. All you can think about is sex. All women are just tits and asses.

But I pushed through. I continued on NoFap and continued travelling and developing meaningful relationships.

As the days went on the effects started becoming more and more prominent. The ‘superpowers’ if you will. I had energy again, and lot’s of it. The aforementioned peace was sinking deeper and deeper into my life. I felt a calmness all around my body. It was something I had never felt before. I walked around with a sense of purity. I slowly started loosing my perverted mind. I started seeing women as beautiful, unique, interesting individuals, each with a story and each with a life of their own. I started looking people in the eyes, and maintaining deep eye contact. Still to this day people mention how I always make good eye contact. I no longer was always ‘tripping over my words’ when I spoke. I would say clear, strong sentences and would not waver or show hesitation.

The days turned into weeks and weeks into months. Around the 90 to 100 day mark was when I started doing my own 180. I felt like I had shed an old skin. They say your brain sort of ‘reboots’ after 3 months, this is a good way to describe it. You feel like everything works again. Everything is better, brighter, more amazing. Like you popped an NZT pill. The world opens up in a magical way. Something as simple as going for a walk and breathing in fresh air can be blissful. I often noticed sometimes I just feel like this surge of dopamine in my mind, like i’m coming up on MDMA. It’s your brain working to it’s full potential. Instead of blasting these essential chemicals into the toilet bowl you’re holding onto them and the difference is remarkable.

Perhaps though the most noticeable effect you will experience is a complete and utter disappearance of any anxiety or depression you once had. I almost chuckle to myself these days about how bad I had it before. I more or less lived with depression since my late teens and anxiety was something that always seemed to rear it ugly head when i thought it was finally gone. I can honestly say I haven’t felt the slightest trace of either of these horrible things in about 5 and a half months.

The ability to talk with women and have whatever you define as ‘sucess’ with them is also profound. Keep in mind this is noFAP, not noSEX. The sex you will start having will be more amazing than ever before. Women will be drawn to you in an unexplainable way. They can feel the strength you’re holding inside you. It will separate you from the others. Trust me.

The best way I could describe it is you have an amazing confidence. Not some cocky or overly-machoistic kind of facade but a strong, healthy, genuine confidence. Something you can’t fake, a mask you could never put on. It will allow you to take charge of the things you want and motivate you to take action when needed and execute the things required to achieve what you want.

Something I should mention as well is that i’m a musician. I’ve been playing guitar, bass and singing for many years. I recorded an EP of original music last year of. However due to a combination of self doubt, insecurities about my voice and songs and a general lack of confidence made me never release it. Being that tonight is the 6 month mark on NoFap I’ve decided to put it out tonight for everyone to listen to. To maintain some anonymity I’m not going to link it but if you’re interested in checking it out you can PM me.

So now fast forward 6 months from that afternoon in december and the person I am now is so very different from then. I have since started meditation, exercising, cold showers, deep breathing, the list goes on. I live a happy, focused and motivated life. I have exciting plans for the future and sometimes can’t believe how amazing my life is.

I truly encourage all of you from the bottom of my heart if you are feeling the same way I did that afternoon in december to start you own nofap journey. It will be one of the hardest things you will ever do. It will challenge you in ways you can’t imagine, but will also teach you things you didn’t know were possible. It will show you the world in a brand new light.

It will make you into the man you’re meant to be.

LINK – The Journey to 6 Months: First time Redditor’s story of quitting PMO and gaining a new life.

by o_walls_0