I was a 32 year old infant with the social skills of a nervous 13 year-old, and now I’m a man


I have actively turned down sex one time and a blowjob one time. No, women aren’t constantly throwing themselves over me, but there seems to be some sort of passion/lust cycle going on or maybe it’s semen retention cycles / wet dream because some days has been pretty crazy in terms of female attention/eye contact while others it’s been completely non existent.

The first 3 weeks when I stopped pmo and other drugs was pretty indescribable though. Men were looking at me as if they were scared/intimidated or wanted to kill me and women looked at me with pure lust. It must have been some hormone cocktail of testosterone, adrenaline, dopamine from being overstimulated for 15 years of my life to quitting everything. I don’t see any other explanation and only those who experienced these things after quitting the first time will understand what I mean with it. It had absolutely nothing to do with increased confidence. But whatever, people don’t like to hear about/talk about those things on this sub, people rather talk about the normal stuff like increased confidence, less anxiety. So let’s move on

  • Social phobia = completely gone.
  • Depression = completely gone
  • ADD = completely gone (porn induced ADD, who would a guessed that! my doctor sure as fuck didn’t as I was prescribed Vyvanse for a year, which I also quit cold turkey, by the way.)
  • Anxiety = 80% gone, 20% are still there when I need to talk/speech in front of a large group of people.

Over the time since I stopped PMO (7-8 months ago but I relapsed 2 times) I’ve

  • Gone from 52kg skin and bones depressed to 71.5kg with full on 6-pack / abs * Employed, doing something I absolutely love for a living to the point where weekends are something I almost dislike and Mondays something I love. Partly from that I rewired my dopamine-system in the brain to feel rewarded by the things I accomplish in the word rather than my hand around my dick stroking it like a fucking cuck to some pixel girl being fucked.
  • Gotten rid of old toxic “friends”
  • Gained new friends
  • Became sensitive to life, spiritual to some extent. Appreciate life in all its forms.

There are still much left for me to fix and achieve. I’m paying the price of wasting my adult life on quick dopamine fixes and PMO. I’m 32 years now and when I started nofap I was a 32 year old infant with the social skills of a nervous 13 year-old, and now I’m a man and I move, talk and lead like a man. I’m a role model of a man to the people I coach at work. I help young people 16-24 to get out in the labor market, motivate them to get work, keeping them from straying to criminal activities etc.

I’ve had people hate the new me because they felt more comfortable with me being someone easily walked over/used/played with. Not many fucks given on my part. I knew that when I for the first time in my life started to get some people on the nerves, I was doing something really fucking right and I was on the right track. I’ve been terrified of conflicts and making people upset before when I was on PMO.

Women and sex is something that will still be on hold for me. I am on semen retention because the benefits I’ve noticed are too big to pass up on. I need this energy to sort my life out, there are still many things needed to be fixed and a woman/love-life will be distracting and require energy and maintenance, even the lowest of maintenance women requires energy, time and effort. Women are people with feelings too and unless I can give my heart to maintain a healthy relationship with one, I rather abstain from it until I am ready.

I come from a rough past, with the loss of my mother due to alcoholism when I was in my 20’s, loss of my biological father due to diabetes when I was very young. Had a 7 year-old relationship with a woman I loved and who loved me even on my PMO-shitty self (my pmo wasn’t as heavy at that time, skyrocketed after). She died from cervix cancer. Shortly after that my best friend passed away.

After that my rottening began. I was literally PMO’ing, drinking alcohol, smoking weed, taking stimulant (vyvanse) in such a pace that I was rotting away, physically, decaying. I don’t think I would have lasted 1 more year of these habits. This is why my resolve is so serious and strong to not relapse, because PMO is not just some inconvenient, anxiety induced thing I can relapse over and over and restart myself. To me it feels a lot more life and death.

I’ve been given this last chance and I’m not going to fuck this up. I have a book to write, a company to start, a world to explore, languages to learn, physical skills to master, a woman to conquer and love, future children to be loved, nurtured and be the absolute best version of myself as a father that I can be.

If someone is curious on how strong the addiction of PMO is compared to other drugs. I quit the following during Nofap:

  1. Alcohol
  2. Weed
  3. Vyvanse (basically amphetamine light)
  4. Nicotine (snuff, the worst form, literally had nicotine in my bloodstream 24/7 for 15 years of my life, making my body think it was a necessary substance for my fucking survival)
  5. Sugar / candy + all shit food
  6. Computer games (I’ve been a gamer addict since Game boy came out)
  7. Even stopped biting my nails which I’ve done as a bad habit since i was 10

The ONLY thing I still have a craving for is PMO. That is how fucking strong this addiction is. The only thing that actually scares me and puts up a real fight against my discipline and willpower that I have built during this time, out of those things now is PMO.

Let that sink in for a bit.

You are all amazing for attempting and going through with this, never forget that my bro’s. This is 100% the right thing to do, never have ANY doubt what so ever of that. Quitting PMO is the one thing I will bet my very life on that you will never regret.

LINK – Day90, finally the suffering is over, now i can go back to PMO permanently

by showerdudes9


I’m 32 and to make a longer story short, I’ve lost most of my family (biological father to diabetes, mother to alcoholism), a close friend of mine to meningitus at the same year that my previous gf who I loved for 7 years and who loved me back, died to cervical cancer. That was 5 years ago she died and my addiction hell of PMO among other things escalated to the extremes

All in all, I had/still have little to no education and wasted most of my youth on PMO/video games/addictions to pretty much every shitty thing you can get addicted to.

After a couple of weeks when I started this journey I broke down in tears because I finally understood what was behind my “weirdness”, social anxiety, unable to bond and connect with people unless it was online, withdrawing from people and the outside world while putting myself in to fantasyworlds and dreaming my life away. I understood what was killing my energy, my motivation, my drive and my will to live and what caused me to rot away day by day without even caring. It got to the point where my vision became worse, i didn’t even care and it took years for me to even bother getting glasses/contacts. My sense of smell disappeared, didn’t give a fuck, I still have no sense of smell although I’m fixing this right now (nasal polyps). 6 years of no sense of smell and no drive or motivation to even bother looking that up. Teeth were starting to slowly rot from not taking care of my health and too much overconsumption of shit that harms them. Understand how low a man must sink to become that careless about what is going on in his body and with himself. That is true darkness my friends, a darkness I don’t wish upon anyone, not even my worst enemy.

At first I just wanted so badly to change my past, dreaming off again and imagining my life if I had only knew how harmful PMO was to me and the kind of a man I would/could have been without it during my teens and my 20’s. Then I started to meditate and it helped me so much. It helped me let go of my past. It helped me stay in the present. It helped me deal with stress and anxiety. Nofap + meditation is like yin and yang. They boost eachother and complete eachother.

I know there are plenty of people who has had shittier lives and worse struggles than me, it’s all about perspective. One guy might find his world is ending cause his gf just broke up, another guy might get crushed for weeks because his dog just passed away, and another guy might lose a family member.

Everyone has their own problems, but sometimes it’s very important to put things in perspective and try to be happy with what you do have now, and not chase after things you wish you had, falling in to the trap of “if only I had X, I would be so happy and my life would be complete (where X many times is a girlfriend or expensive materialistic object, like a car).”

I’m alone, but I’m not lonely. Because I am at peace with my current situation, even if it’s not optimal. I don’t have a gf or many friends. I have a job I absolutely love (a job I got during nofap btw, after years of living on wellfare). I do miss a feminine touch, sometimes I crave it. I am very sensitive to touch because on PMO i’ve been so scared of closeness/been withdrawn from people that natural social touches are foreign to me. Sometimes when female colleagues touches me in a certain way/feminine way (a lot of them have, during times/cycles on nofap where i’ve had extreme magnetism/masculine energy and they have flirted with me) I feel it sends an euphoric eletricity down my body and I long for that closeness once again that I haven’t felt for approx 6 years since my woman passed away.

I’ve built a crazy discipline since I started nofap. The thought of touching myself is non existant. Sexual thoughts obviously happens still, i’m not a machine (yet) lol. I wake up at 4.30 AM most of the days, cold shower every single morning for 8 minutes yelling “IM A FUCKING MAN” during the entire session while holding my balls, then I stretch doing 1x Surya Namaskar to say good morning to all of my muscles.

Then I work out heavily for 3 days per week/2 hour long sessions before I head to work. The program I do is Jason blahas ICF 5×5, which takes approx 2 hours. I know a lot of people like working out for 5-6 days/week but I don’t , on this type of work out, the resting days are crucial and I rather do cardio-based activities on the resting days, but no lifting.

I have only worked out for 7 months but the results are in my opinion very very clear. I exploded to life from weighing ~50kg and was just skin and bones, to 73kg today. Some people overeat during depression but in my case I was addicted to all other stuff that overrode the dopamin part of eating, so I barely ate anything, instead I would have a beer, have a snus (nicotine product) or smoke some weed/PMO.

Here’s a pic just a month before nofap, not a great one but you can still see the shitty posture (i developed anterior pelvic tilt from sitting so much, something i’ve also been stretching to get rid of and it’s almost gone now) and how skinny i was, 52KG.

Heres a recent pic, results from working out just 7 months. 73KG

All of you have your own problems and difficulties. I know the intensity of this struggle, but if you dig deep inside yourself you can find the strenght you need to change your life and get through this addiction. Me and a lot of others on this sub have done it, are doing it and will keep doing it for as long as we live. This is for you guys who are having a rough time and keep relapsing. You ARE STRONG ENOUGH to be the boss of your own psyche and body. Close your eyes and take a deep breath from your nose. Visualize the strenght entering your brain and body. BE THE FUCKING MAN OF YOUR BODY, MIND AND SOUL. Tend to your own garden and the butterflies will come to you automatically, just be patient and work on yourself every single day.

Some other motivational threads I’ve made in the past for the newcomers:
Your semen are tiny spartanwarriors

/Your nofap-brother in arms, showerdudes9

UPDATE – I met my sister today and realized how far ive come.

Im 32 and before my nofap, i was a first class welfare alcoholic, drug abusing loser in debt. Im not gonna pull my life story as i have several success stories about my life on nofap already. I realized trying to perfect my life and myself with this burning fire inside me since i went completely sober and started nofap and got a job – i have not once sat down, smiled and rested while thinking about how fucking far ive come and all the addictions ive beaten one after another with nofap being the catalyst.

People say nofap isnt a magic pill that automaticallly fixed everything. I somewhat disagree. It wont magically fix you – but if you are addicted to porn which most of us are – its almost impossible to fix yourself without nofap. Because fapping deprives us of that one thing we need to get our shit together. That fire inside us. Motivation and drive. Passion for life. We cant fix ourselves when fapping because we fool our brains in to thinking everything is great and we need not fix a single thing.

Anyway. I was talking to my sister and she just kept smiling at me the whole time. We used to have a really crappy bond and i never enjoyed spending time with her and she didnt like spending time with me either.

But now we really bonded well and i was so calm and collected. Radiated that secure and strong energy only someone on a long streak does. She interrupted my talking and said Michael i am so proud of you. The changes you have done. You are a different person today. And her eyes was teary. Mind you she has no clue about nofap. She even asked what it is that made my vibe feel so different. I just said probably a better diet and work out, knowing that is only a small part of it. Nofap being the absolute key.

I downplayed my achivements a bit but later after our meeting, my whole body just exploded with a sensation of pride over myself and i walked around like a man that just oozes of achievements.

I finally understood how incredibly far ive come and where i was a year ago covered in my own cum in a cumstinking room full of cumcovered tissues, smoking weed or drinking booze or taking stilnocts to be able to sleep. Now im as clean as one can be and my only current addiction is internet addiction (still mindlessely browsing too much).

I still have a long road ahead after neglecting myself for over 15 years. It isnt fixable in 6 months but fuck me. If i can achieve this much in 6 months imagine where i will be in 6 years if i keep it up and fight this. There is a chance at a real life for me even though i am already 32 i am not beyond repairing. That chance is what keeps me going. I cant afford the relapse. I would probably have relapsed more if i was in my early 20s because i wouldnt feel that its my last chance at life then like i feel now.

Anyway. For all you guys and gals out there fighting this and making improvements, take a moment and think about the progress youve made compared to when you had no clue about nofap. Savor thar moment and everytime you doubt, remember it again. Remember where you are now compared to before. Remember why you are fighting this.

I am extremely convinced fapping is bad for you in every way. Its like humanity found a shortcut button to heroin. You have a heroin button on your body you can press whenever you want a quick fix of pleasure. But that button wears your brain and body down the more you use it. The greatest men walking this earth will be those who learned to ignore that heroin button. To even have unlearned about its existance. You must unlearn what you have learned.

Stay strong and dont forget the cold showers.