What improvements have I experienced?
- More discipline in everything that I do. Greater productivity. I’m happier.
- My standards of attraction are beginning to normalize. I no longer hold women to insanely high standards.
- Similarly, I’m better able to differentiate between reality and porn-induced perceptions and fantasies, both in terms of my perceptions of women and my perceptions of a healthy relationship.
- I’m less shy, fidgety and skittish, especially since I don’t need to battle against deviant intrusive thoughts every time I speak with a woman these days.
- I’m better able to maintain eye contact since my mind is no longer wired to rove over and drink in every part of a woman’s body.
- Friends and family have commented that I am calmer, less defensive, and more relaxed and open these days. This may be because I no longer carry the burdens of guilt and fear of my darkest secrets being discovered.
What have I done to get here?
These are things that I have learned and practiced to help me reach my current streak. It was a long journey and I’ve learned a lot about myself and about discipline that can be applied to many spheres of life. Getting over this bad habit is a process. I don’t feel “cured”, but I do feel better and I’m constantly improving. That’s the best any of us can do. So, here are some of the things which helped:
- Replace bad habits with good ones. I started viewing PMO as a habit. A bad one. The best way to deal with a bad habit is by working on increasing one’s good habits.
- Keep yourself busy. Have a schedule. Never and empty moment.
- Distance yourself when you have the urge. Get out of the house. Find someone to hang out with. Find a hobby. Anything to keep your hands and mind busy.
- The base self is a child. It doesn’t understand reasoning. It doesn’t know that
candyPMO is bad for it. It simply demands, and when it doesn’t get what it wants, it will throw a tantrum. No matter how much it kicks and screams and gives you a headache, the only way to deal with it is to ignore it until it realizes it won’t get what it wants and settles down. If you give in, it will know it has you wrapped around it’s little finger and it will simply demand more and more and more.
- Sometimes, it’s good to look in the mirror to lecture and reason with yourself. You may feel silly like you’re doing a Gollum/Smeagol scene, but it really helps.
- We slip off the path in small steps. A relapse doesn’t happened immediately. It happens in small stages. A thought, then a fantasy, then a small peek, then a full video, then some light touching and edging… You think you’re still in control but before you realize it, your pants are off and you’ve reached the point of no return. The truth is, you lost control the moment you allowed the thought to blossom into a fantasy. I made a similar post about this concept since it can manifest itself in different ways.
- Maintain regular meditation and self-reflection. If you’re religious, combine this with repentance and contemplation over God, heaven and hell, and our purpose in this world. Regularly reminding oneself of these things helps keep one grounded.
- As part of self-reflection, keep a diary. Be aware of what triggers you and what were the most successful techniques to get past those points. Be aware of your thoughts and their manifested actions.
- Your penis still works. There’s no need to check. (See again the point on slipping up in small steps.)
- Don’t become complacent. Especially when you reach a milestone. Don’t relax on your discipline rules. Don’t let your guard down. Not even at 90 days. Keep doing what you’re doing.
I used porn for way too long. I first started watching it nearly 11 years ago. When you’ve built up so much of momentum and added so much cargo, it becomes difficult to apply brakes to the train. It’s taken me more than a year to maintain such a long streak. Worse than how long I’ve watched it, when I look back, I’m more ashamed of what I watched. The space has made to truly realize just how disturbing and abnormal a lot of it is.
I hope this helps you all. Writing this down was a great reminder for me as well.