Originally, I had thought I’d document most of my 3 months, I had no habit of journalising and I suppose it fell through because I thought, why bother typing away what are mostly frivolous intra-day feelings when I’m going through a roller coaster anyway, and for the most part I was enjoying myself too much
PMO looks quite far from my current vantage point now, my average daily mood went from 4, to 5, to 5.5 for the 3 months respectively, with some intense highs and some depressing lows, this has smoothed out now and as I develop more hobbies and interests and put in more hard work at university; rather than waiting for fluctuations in brain chem/hormones to make me feel better (remember our instant gratification habits guys?), I should put down some hard work towards something, so there will be something tangible for me to actually be happy about.
My goal is to make landfall for the continental US when I graduate, the way to achieve that is to make a plan, securing the visa, plan out that internship, get a killer major GPA, and then realise that every effort I put towards my classes is directly (but distantly) affecting this goal to come to fruition.
I would expect my baseline mood to basically sit on a minimum of 6/10 for pretty much the rest of the year, it is exhilarating to think that I could wake up everyday feeling either great or just-not-as-great
Made a few new friends and they all think I’m a superstar, with my infectious energy and just being generally fun to be around; I’ve connected much more deeply with my existing friends and they can’t help by get behind my cause
No progress what so ever with the LDR exGF, however the consensus amongst our mutual friends (in light of my recent improvements) has now shifted from “Moving on is for the best” to “There’s probably merit in you two reconciling”, good things take time. Three and a half years together is a testament something having worked between us, why start being hasty now?
I am immensely more confident and a much better conversationalist by leaps and bounds; I no longer feel like the most unlovable pile of misery that I was a few months back, I get thrown looks by girls wherever I go; and I don’t care, I have no doubt I can find someone if I bothered trying — But you have to remember where you came from, she liked me for who I was despite me being a sorry excuse of a human being all the years before; with her BMI at 38 it isn’t hard at all to find someone “better”, but we are no longer unthinking unfeeling unnatural men, we’re men with love for life and humanity in our hearts
Don’t dwell on the past, nothing can change that now; build on your future, because the possibilities are practically limitless;
For everything else in between, just remember to Keep On Trucking