Those who read my older post on here know that I struggled with keeping away from porn from the very beginning. As I read about all the benefits, I was quickly convinced that I wanted to start my nofap journey. And so I did. I was more or less successful and started seeing benefits for myself (which I believe are mainly a result of increased confidence and a lower threshold for stimulation).
Back then the reason I started nofap was to get girls. I used to be fucking clueless when it came to the topic of women.
As I slowly started getting more and more successful with women, I began to neglect nofap, thinking (That’s actually still what I think) that you don’t need to stop watching porn to have success with women. Suddenly, the reason I started all this was gone. Poof! And with it went all my motivation to continue nofap. A little porn surely can do me no harm, can it? Why would you give up such an easy pleasure if it doesnt even affect my chances with women? After all, this was my original goal.
Fast forward many months. I was back to watching porn daily, though it wasnt as often as it used to be in the beginning. I was ok with that because of my usual reasoning: I have success with girls now, so why change anything? I was wrong and now I’m back on the bandwagon… And here’s the reason why: Yesterday I had my first time with an astonishinly beautiful girl and I couldn’t keep an erection for more than a few seconds. Mind you, I wasn’t incredibly nervous and I enjoyed everything about it enormously. Up until the point where i noticed my dick just wasn’t responsive. I felt turned on but my dick was like it was numbed down by too much PMO. Needless to say I felt embarassed and disappointed with myself. It was something we were both looking forward to and I simply wasn’t physically able. It was a shame.
Today after she left I felt a sudden urge. A question started burning in the back of my mind… I wanted to see if it was true. If it could be true. I sat down in front of my laptop. I had to see for myself, so I opened a tab of porn. Just random pics, but it was enough to find out what I wanted to find out so badly. If i had to find a word to describe how I felt when I saw what happened, it would be “heartbroken”. You’re asking what happened? I got an erection. Just like that. I wasn’t even trying to.
Now that might not sound like a big deal that some random dude on the internet got a boner while looking at porn and it isn’t. But for myself it was a moment of complete anger and frustration. I was furious that I could get it up for some soulless machine but not for a girl I actually care about. It was genuine anger I felt. I closed the laptop after a while as I didn’t need to see more.
Now i am back here because I want to do something about this. My badge may show a large number of days at the moment, but that’s just because I didn’t reset it for almost a year full of PMO. To be honest though, I don’t care about the badge. I just want to be able to set this issue aside as fast as possible. That’s why I came back here. Thank you for reading this, I just needed to get this off my chest as soon as possible.