Late 30s – Focusing on personal development, starting to date


Three months ago my wife left me and I quit the porn. This time I went full out, with no porn, masturbation, or fantasies. I also cut out trying to have sex during this time. Instead, I focused on personal development. Overall, the goals have been achieved.

I have not used porn or masturbated. I try to stop fantasies when they start in my head. One meditation mantra I use is “No past, no future, no fantasies, one voice”. Fantasies are a killer in a lot of ways because they make me feel both that I have already accomplished something and they make me attached to things I don’t even have. For example, if I fantasize about spending time with a woman I am not dating, I start to develop one-itis. Fantasies are also hard to eliminate and I have to catch them and stop them. They are the product of my mind when it’s got nothing bFocusinetter to do.

I was never a PIED sufferer so I can’t speak to that.

Now that the 90 day period is over, I am reopening the store, so to speak, and I’ll permit sex with women. I am going to be picky and I am going to try to meet them in real life. I signed up for Bumble the other day and I already hate it. Online dating is not for me. I need to improve at meeting new people in real life and making connections that way, and the only way to do it is to try. Looking back on my life, that’s one thing that has always held me back, not just with women but with my career, hobbies, and interests.

Anyhow, I strongly recommend monk mode. While it may seem “easier” to just give up one thing at a time, they all interact. What I found easier is replacing the whole PMOF circus with boxing, seeing friends, traveling, reading, medidation, etc. Truly the way to go.

[Age?] Late 30s. I started using online porn in the BBS days of the early 90s. I took a hiatus before but relapsed as my marriage was failing.

The only real willpower I exercise is getting out of bed in the morning and doing what I plan to do. I have filled my day and night with things that mostly prevent the idea of porn from coming up in my head. My god, am I super busy now. I used to think I was over-extended because I had to work and have a home life, but now that I have to do all the housework myself, while I’m also getting out and seeing people, and boxing, etc., I have to say “no” a lot because things are just not fitting into my schedule. So that’s a big part of willpower to quit a habit, simply not leaving yourself in a state of boredom. It is much harder to simmer in a pot of cravings and never slip up.

Now, not everyone has an active job like I have, so I’m sure a lot of people are sitting at their desks daydreaming about their coworkers or something, and tying that to porn they have seen in their heads, and fantasizing. I guess I would recommend doubling your workload so that you don’t have the time to stop. You’ll also take over your workplace if you do that.

LINK – 90 days porn free on monk mode

by lojork