I stopped masturbating a month ago just to see what would happen. I never really considered myself a chronic masturbator but at some point I realized I was eager for my wife to leave for work so I could go jack it and it made me feel like a loser.
I never thought porn had an impact on the way I viewed sex, but after not seeing it for a month I realize that even though I would never cheat on my wife, watching porn made my sexuality revolve around fantasies about other people.
When I dreamed or fantasized about sex it was always about acquaintances or strangers, never about my wife. Since stopping it’s almost always about her. It’s like I retrained my brain to view her as the object of my desire rather than women in general.
The first two or three days were a little rough, I found myself having really compulsive, stupid thoughts about doing it at work but got myself through my imagining how embarrassed I would be coming home to tell my wife I got fired after being caught masturbating in the bathroom at work. The shame kept my head on straight.
About a week in I was hit by the surge and was shocked to discover the difference. Usually I just drag my feet through the day doing what I need to do so I can go home and lay around at the end of it, but all the sudden I felt energetic, happy and alive even at work. I woke up at a reasonable hour, added an extra day into my gym schedule and found myself laughing and smiling a lot more. For the first time in my life I feel truly masculine. I feel like a mix between a silverback gorilla and a bull moose. Focusing that energy into my life makes me feel an incredible sense of self-esteem and vitality.
Best of all I kind of rediscovered my lust for my wife. I never stopped loving her and always found her attractive, but it seemed like half the time we had sex I felt hesitant and took a long time to get into it. Since the surge we’ve been at it like rabbits and I’ve been initiating more than half the time.
My energy, my self esteem and my relationship with my wife have all transformed in such a positive way. I know you’ve probably all heard this same story a thousand times, but I just had to shout my happiness off a mountain to you this once. Keep up the good fight, folks.