Mid-20s – Severe withdrawal, but starting to really enjoy and love who I am


DISCLAIMER: some of this might be graphic or offensive so just be warned this is not a Disney movie: Now I want to start off by telling you a story…..you might be suprised but you’re not alone here.

In fact I struggled with this myself growing up, and I’m currently going cold turkey on Porn and masturbation my self for 13 days now on a quest that seems to be about 3–4 [years] in the making.

I remember when I first learned about Porn…oh how exciting! I used to sneak in the computer room during lunch and search google many different algorithms for boobs or vagina and butt.

Then we got a home computer and boy did I learn how to fap. I was hooked by the time I was 8 and sexually exploring the world. Soon by 13 I learned how to cum and by 14 I no longer had to view trailers clips online I found free video websites featuring Porn.

But from there, it all started to go downhill.

By 16, I had committed to fapping at least 4–6 a day during school days, and 12–16 times on the weekend.

If I wasn’t at school or sleeping I was watching Porn….Constantly.

At least 6 hours of my day included watching it. By the time I was about your age at 22 I had an account with over 7000 videos of Porn stored. And I could tell you exactly what scene, what actor, and if was a good one. I even started having intense pain in my groin, after fapping to the point of being deained on most days. And I couldn’t stop.

So I made a decision to quit soon after I heard somebody give a speech of where you might end up in 5 years thinking “If you looked back 5 years ago from the desicions you made today would you be living a great life? I cried all the way home, I was disappointed in myself and how I couldn’t stop. But I didn’t know how to.

So I just decided to anyway. I deleted my account full of videos and deleted all the pics I had of Porn on my iphone That worked for about a month until I somehow managed to find a fake password to NA( if you know what those two initials mean instantly you have an obsession with Porn right there), and I downloaded over 420 HD full length Porn scenes on my computer.

only took me 3 days to amasses that amount…

I must have relapsed close to 300 times honestly since I quit back then to today. It felt hopeless….

But last year I discovered some huge that would change my life forever!

I downloaded some dumb recovery app as a joke that I needed “self help” to help with Porn addiction I tell you it’s not the best app and I’m not going to recommend you download it but it’s what the app told me which lead me to this book and this website. [Your Brain On Porn]

This website called http://yourbrainonporn.com

Author Gary Wilson provided me with the knowledge of my addiction, helped me overcome my challenges and gave me a new way of thinking. Re booting your brain allows you to see women as people not objects, or things like Porn often portrays. Since I’ve learned this and how it really affects me, I’ve been able to make the changes needed to change my behavior and stop bad habits for well over a year now


I will tell you that it is not easy. I PMOd at least 4–6 times a day and spent at least 6–8 online watching HD Porn and always getting off either in public or at home.

My internet tabs were a mess too honestly. Just recently they gave you unlimited tabs on you iPhone…I managed to get 107 tabs of internet porn videos and that wasn’t counting incognito mode either and I knew every video. It became an obsession for me. The novelty of going from girl to girl, knowing 45 different girls and finding new videos each day, was hard to let go off.

This is just a small list of problems I did when I quit.

I spent 700 dollars on a pornstar for personal videos and pics of her

I became a sugar daddy to 3–4 girls and got a second job to have sex with permiscious girls.

I spend around 2,000 on this girl for 6 months just to take my virginity. I felt nothing afterwords but emptiness

I would watch the dark type of Porn that is taboo to most people.

The worst is this feeling…

I never could cum, I had anorgasmia( the inability to orgasm or cum during sex) I just could have sex for hours hard and never cum.

I had a threesome/orgy twice with a girl and her cousin and couldn’t get hard. So I had to imagine a dark twisted porn scene where they were my sisters to get hard in my head and cum.

And I was a good Christian with high morals and a virgin before I made the decision to quit Porn. Only then did I start to have problems.

Also withdrawing from porn and masturbation can lead to some serious short terms effects until you can finally come back to abnormal state of mind .

  • Twitching
  • Hypersensitivity in the groin( the worst out of all of it)
  • Lethargic
  • Apathy
  • Depression
  • Insomnia
  • Random erections
  • Emotional mood swings
  • Low libido
  • And much fucking more!

But if there is one piece of advice I can give you in the world now I’d say you have to love yourself through this.

If you do not LEARN HOW TO love yourself, respect yourself and care enough about yourself to do this you will NEVER have what it takes to make it past the first 3 days let alone the first week or 30 days. I cut off social media, I stopped watching movies that had sex scenes or even romantic playfulness.

I stopped venting to close friends and spent a long time being around myself and going places and doing adventures with just myself. And I can say now I’m starting to really enjoy and love who I am. I am an amazing human being and I don’t need anyone nor anything to give me that type of high or pleasure. I can do that by myself when I want to just take a moment and look at how unique of a person god made me to be.

So go on his website and buy that book it was the best decision I ever made and I truly hope if anybody out there is suffering from addiction like I was back then there’s hope and a forum of thousands who are realizing that they can change it too.

EDIT: wow I cannot believe how many thousands of people actually viewed this I didn’t think I’d have that big an impact on here but I’m glad you all found the story Enjoyable. I actually am trying to do 30 days the most I ever did was 19,and right now I’m currently on 12 days.


By Bones Tanner