I was always a hyper focused student who prioritized my education, and family. I got involved into porn because of environment and other factors. I started it because of curiosity, 12 years old. One search led to another, I didn’t know what I was doing, but the excitement was great. I got caught numerous times and it was hard watching my mother in tears when she first saw me.
I was born innocent but my mind was filled by trash from other people plaguing me about sex and porn. I didn’t know some sex slang like 69, head and people used to make fun of me, I was disgusted when people used to teach me vocabs of all this but I guess all this damaged me. I didn’t really have anyone to tell this to, I kept this bottled up, even my parents were not much of help.
After that, people bullied me so much, porn became my escape mechanism, providing me with the pleasure, freedom that I needed to escape from all the bullying. I didn’t realize it was slowly corrupting my mind.
This life continued all the way till college, I had no friends and slowly falling to depression. All I did was PMO for 7 hours straight. It was ridiculous, I was literally a walking zombie from my apartment to class, then hw, then back to bed, cycle over again. I nearly got expelled from my university because of my stupidity.
Sophomore year of college, I took the courage and talked to a counselor about it. It took a lot of courage to open up about my difficult life, porn, past abuse from peers, family, it was tough. We developed a good relation but I was gradually building up confidence.
As I build confidence, thats when I had a bit of introspection, I noticed most of the confident men don’t do this stuff. Biologically speaking, there are some benefits when it comes to semen retention and I saw it back in my junior year.
There was once a time back during my 3rd year where I suddenly overcame PMO. I noticed I had such a positive aura surrounding me, people were friendly towards me, I was confident, outgoing, my anxiety depression was getting weaker, basically I was growing. Basically, I loved life like anything, it felt really good.
Unfortunately, loneliness really destroyed me and I did not realize that I could relapse back again. I was wrong to be overconfident. That episode completely disheartened that I lost my fight.
Since then, its been 50 something days and still counting, I haven’t been able to see much of miracle at all.
I think the benefits are great as they advertise, lay off PMO completely. You’ll realize the best days of your life are now.
When you die, I am sure you’ll secretly look back at these days and regret your decision and I am sure I will. Like many, I didn’t know any better. This /r/nofap needs to be advertised globally and the importance of it.
Porn needs to die.
I posted this question a few weeks back. My world was seriously coming to an end but in the process, I didn’t give up hope.
On top of this, I fell and got a concussion, which seriously slowed my academics down. I had to push through just to graduate, but I succeeded. It was hard to do this because the doctors told me not to push myself otherwise it would be bad, I didn’t have a choice.
Looking back, having ADHD being indulged into PMO has completely destroyed my life. I feel bad for all this and still fighting to this day.
I don’t think I have completely recovered from PMO yet. I remember once back during my 3rd year I saw dramatic transformation, thats when I seriously felt a huge change in my life. I was positive, my mindset was right, everything was just crystal clear and I was focused. Right now, I am still struggling and will hopefully recover.
Anyway, I wanted to share some positive news on this tread that I successfully graduated in 2 engineering degrees (electrical & computer). I’ll be starting my job in a few weeks but in the mean time, I will do whatever I can to recover.
Good luck to the rest of you, remember don’t ever give up no matter how difficult your situation is. keep fighting!
Happy new year!
Doing electrical and computer engineering (dual degree) was not easy and I struggled a lot but I got it done. It was my dream since I was back in 8th grade. There were so many times where I though about giving up and dropping out, I pushed through and fulfilled my childhood promise.
Still recovering unfortunately. The severe symptoms are gone but the headaches still occurs. I can’t do any strenuous physical/mental related work otherwise it will hurt.
My healing was actually delayed because my concussion happened back early November. I had to push all the way up till December 15, all the way through finals, projects and to the stage walk.
Another thing that I discovered, is that the brain seeks for dopamine. Its even greater for people with ADHD because we lack dopamine production. I can take a medicine called Vyvanse that boosts the productions but it is too expensive and we cannot afford it. I have to mentally fight it and it is tough.
I’ve lost my friends and have no idea where most have gone to. I’ll be leaving my current state to another in a few weeks and start a new life on my own.