Before I begin, FUCK PORN and I’m unexplainably happy that it’s out of my life. Here’s my story. I appreciate the read, I tried to make this post a little humorous.
I occasionally looked at dirty websites started on my PlayStation portable at about age 12. That escalated Internet porn on the desktop and I think I discovered masturbation when I was 13. When I got the iPod touch with unlimited, unmonitored Internet access, it turned into a habit. Throughout high school, I played sports, got phenomenal grades and had a ton of friends. I’m not trying to sound like a cocky asshole but I never had problem talking to girls even when I was on porn. I was actually that earliest one in my circle of friends to start talking to girls. Even when I was 14, I didn’t have a problem going on dates with girls and kissing them comfortably. This continued throughout high school, going on dates with tons of women. I would come home after practice, go to the bathroom with my iPod touch, watch a few videos and then bust a nut. I didn’t think much of it at the time. This went on for a few years. I got my first blowjob when I was 16 and I felt like THE MAN. However, I couldn’t get hard (at first). I tried everything on the spot. I even went into her bathroom and told her I had to pee and tried to look up a video and it still didn’t work (pathetic right)? I eventually relaxed, got a hard on and had a forced oral orgasm. (The porn use continued)
I dated an absolute babe at the beginning of my senior year of high school. She was at tall, thin curvy blonde girl with an ass that was made for porn. She was a virgin, and all I wanted to do was have sex with her, and then….I got dumped two days before Christmas. Getting dumped at the time RUINED me. I always feared her being with other men; I was depressed for a short amount of time. After I got dumped, I started working out at the gym and eating like a bodybuilder everyday (this is HUGE in self confidence). The gym still is an everyday part of my life, probably the best decision I’ve ever made. I became more attractive as I was told by everyone grew my hair out a bit, developed muscles etc. Porn was STILL an everyday part of life. Always a routine sessions everyday, sometimes (rarely) two or three sessions in one day.
I lost my virginity at 17 (end of senior year of high school) in a poor way. I threw a house party, got absolutely hammered and tried to fuck girl I was seeing at the time and my dick was as dead and loose as a cooked piece of pasta. I blamed the alcohol entirely. The next morning, we went at it and it was not REAL sex. Not intimate at all. I had no idea what I was doing, wasn’t hard (enough) but there was still penetration. Porn being the problem had not come across my mind yet. I ended up dumping her…porn stayed with me.
My first semester of college (I commuted to school) was when I diagnosed that I had porn induced ED. I just BARELY started getting into more hardcore, cuckold porn for a few weeks. Blonde bubble butt ex girlfriend came back into my life (well, my bed). We had plans for sex and I was so ready mentally. I didn’t fap for two days thinking that would turn me into some sort of sex god (oh how wrong I was). I stripped her down butt naked. I tried to tease her and take my time. But there was a problem, my dick looked like a fucking weeping willow tree. It wasn’t the slightest erect. I even took some bullshit placebo horny pill from a gas station moments before. However, god must have been watching over me that day because she walked out and claimed, “She doesn’t feel like doing this.” My pants were still on when she walked out, so me not getting hard wasn’t the reason she left. Oh the embarrassment I would have suffered if she saw that I couldn’t get hard. Finally, I discovered no PMO and NoFap and gave it a go. During the time being, I went about 2-3 months of battling on and off with porn and had sex with two girls. I was drunk the first time, waited ill morning and banged her when I was hungover. I had about 80% erection each time, lasted a fine amount and had explosive orgasms. The second One, I couldn’t get hard at first. Then I fingered her, got in the mood and got an almost full erection. Once the girls were out of my life…I relapsed. The relapse started from occasional M, then lead back to porn.
TODAY I am 30 days without a glance at porn. I have masturbated in the time being in a soft, gentle manner, maybe about once a week. The masturbation was strictly off sensations. There is NO fantasy, which is why I don’t think it’s hindering my progress. It feels a million times better than it did with porn. The orgasms are so much more intense and explosive.
Now, the following are reasons I think I’m cured. I am DYING to have real, intimate sex. I’m noticing women in ways I thought I never would, not just their looks. I notice their charm, style, voice, and overall sexiness. I feel as though I can hold a conversation even better than before. I wake up with semi erections in the morning. Sometimes I’ll get an erection without even thinking about anything sexual and start getting super horny. I have no urge to search dirty websites. I can masturbate occasionally without a headache afterwards or the chaser effect. Also, throughout all of this, I hit the gym for intense, two-hour sessions. I think the gym helped me phenomenally in a speed reboot, boosting testosterone and self-confidence. I call myself a recovered mild-addict because there was never a point where it fully ruined my life. But it came pretty damn close. My erections now are pretty solid, but not 100%. The best side effect of all is that I have NO DESIRE TO LOOK AT PORN. I can think about it without getting turned on, or have any urges and it’s great.