I discovered PMO 10 years ago, been trying to quit for the past 7. Discovered reddit and r/nofap 4 years ago and it’s both hindered and helped my journey. I don’t know what more to say, which is why I’ll do this AMA; hopefully to help those in the position where I was not long ago.
Edit: After answering some questions, I really can’t believe it. It used to be me, who used to look at these type of posts, ask questions and look up in awe at the poster and think how did they do it. And… now I’m here.
I’ll try keep this brief as I could go on forever.
You need to first understand that it will take time to change, especially if you’ve been addicted for a long time. If you’ve been an addict for a few years, don’t expect to quit in a day/week/month. It will take time to reverse the damage and the habits you’ve now engrained. You will fall and it’s okay, you just need to constantly move forward and progress in whatever metric you use to measure it. You must hate the feeling of a relapse enough for it to be a motivation to never fall again and that takes time to accquire.
In terms of practical tips, I’ll list some below:
- Try remove all social media from your life, trust me on this. It’s a shame, how sexualised forms of media have become, even if you’re not actively searching for it. After you recover then I say you can be free to use it, but I’m sure you’d realise after how little it adds to your life and how much it takes away.
- Always try keep busy and keep your mind active with productive tasks. It can literally be anything, from perfecting some and accquiring new skills to volunteering somewhere and helping people out.
- Exercise! This doesn’t mean having to go to the gym, again it can be anything you enjoy! (Points 2/3 are about finding productive things to occupy your time and use up your surplus energy that otherwise would have been channeled and wasted through PMO.
- Having an accountability partner (who is similar to you) and keeping in touch frequently can definitely help you stay on on track. Just like a gym-buddy, sometimes either of you will can feel down and low on motivation and the other will always there to pick you up and keep you going!
- Set your counter and forget about it, eventually it doesn’t mean anything, as you’re aiming to quit for life (what I mean here is don’t obsess over it day by day). Another way of thinking, is just aim to not PMO today and not worry about the future; take it a day at a time (but don’t focus on your counter, I hope this makes sense)
- It can be nice to set targets and rewards for your self along the way, e.g. buy yourself something nice for hitting milestones. However, the gift of how you feel will also reward you.
- Don’t expect nofap to cure all your problems in life, but it will certainly help you deal with them in a better way.
- Simple rule, but I read it on here and reminding myself to it has certainly helped. it’s basically don’t touch your junk unless you need to pee/wash.
That’s really it. I mean it’s quite simple what we have to do, although it’s so difficult simultaneously. A major key to success is changing your thoughts, which is what majority of the above points revolve around. The last time I relapsed, I literally looked at my hands and thought; I control myself, why would I do something that I didn’t want to do. That realisation really helped me.
It’s really tough at the beginning. But, that’s when the bad feelings from the relapse are fresh (so they counter-balance) in a sense. In terms of withdrawals; you just have to keep yourself distracted and busy with productive hobbies.
I did have some doubts, but what is clear is that when I PMO I feel terrible (like inifintely bad), so even if nofap gives me no benefits, other than making myself not feel terrible every time I relapse then it is a definitely a success and 100% worthwhile.
You will still have bad days, bouts of depression, problems etc. Not engaging in PMO reduces your problem by 1 and helps you better deal with the other problems that we all have.
I will definitely say that I am more confident and feel healthier (physically and mentally) in general then I used to. I can definitely say that I am stronger and I have 100% noticed I hold onto more muscle when I am on nofap. I am more confident than before and have also seen some positive physical changes .
My focus/concentration has 100% improved. What I feel makes that worse in addition to PMO, is simply spending time on the internet and social media, which lowers our attention span. Eliminating 2 out of 3 definitely improved both my focus and concentration. Again, your second point is also something I’ve noticed, although I’ve never really been confident; I’m definitely much more confident now than I used to be and my speech is also more measured and eloquent.
It’s tough, but it is worth it. It won’t make your life perfect, but it will improve it 🙂
I just realised that I’m in control (physically), if I do not want to PMO, that is my decision and I do not have to do it.
Never experienced [PIED] 🙂
I’m in my twenties.