In a 3 year relationship with my girlfriend, been living together for two. I told her I didn’t know if I wanted marriage and kids but that I would try my best to explore the possibilities because she was really special and I would always be honest.
I found myself watching a lot of porn. Lusting after girls with perfect body parts, on the screen. When it comes down to it, no girl in real life can have as great a body or a predilection for giving amazing blow jobs as EVERY PORN STAR EVER. I work for myself, so PMO was always available and was a daily occurrence (or more). As a result, I found myself less attracted to her than she was to me — I would find excuses not to have sex, which was disturbing, given my sex drive was clearly healthy… toward virtual depictions of women I’d never met.
After several false starts here, I finally managed to stick with it. It was not easy!… but I just hit 90 days (easy mode).
PROS
- Our sex life is way better — I initiate sex way more often, pretty much whenever I can.
- Sex itself is much better — I’m much more present, and my performance is much better… It became clear that I was suffering from PIED (which usually manifested itself with strangers, and was almost never a problem in a monogamous relationship… but nevertheless the hints were there) and the recovery/reboot is very real.
- I am working out a lot more. I’m in better shape than I’ve been anytime in our relationship.
- I save a ton of time by not PMOing. This alone is reason enough to stick with this the rest of my life.
CONS
- Sex itself is so much better that I feel like I’m going to bust a nut in 10 seconds. This would probably be defeat-able with a lot of sex but she’s been out of town a lot.
- I don’t know that quitting porn has brought us closer — emotionally, mentally, whatever — it hasn’t given our relationship “superpowers” or anything. My virtual sexual “cheatings” may have just been that — sexual, and nothing deeper.
- I’m more attracted to her… and every other female in the real world. I walk down the street and it’s become clearer than ever that, despite the fact that I am 100% monogamous and have denied girls’ advances consistently and have never cheated, that long-term I don’t think I can keep that up. Having sex with one woman the rest of my life seems like more of an impossibility on NoFap than when I’m virtually cheating with my hand and images of strangers. And that’s sad.
Anyone else in a relationship had similar/different experiences? Is 90 days too fast to expect results?
TL;DR – I thought NoFap would strengthen my four-year relationship but it might end up contributing to our breakup.
LINK – Day 90 – unforeseen results
by motibation
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