PIED led me to find NoFap but I’ve gained back more than that. I’ve been lurking on NoFap since September, had a 45 day streak, relapsed multiple times and now I’m gunning for 90 again. But what I want to talk to you about is how NoFap enabled me to get real with myself, face my fears and embrace the truth in whatever form it came.
Throughout my high school years and into college my best friend (a girl) and I were very close. We were like family. We always had a bit of sexual tension between us which we didn’t mind. We were seeing different people and though there was a bit of jealousy from both sides, it was all good until I slipped into depression after a break up.
Now depression is a serious thing and I had no clue why I was feeling the way I did when it first hit. I felt helpless, insignificant, entitled, angry, spiteful, insecure and afraid. One day, in a frenzy of sorts, I beat up a guy my best friend was dating, out of jealousy. This was extremely unlike me. You can imagine the fallout we had after that. We stopped speaking, only calling each other on birthdays. My life got worse.
It took me a year to identify my depression and takes steps. I looked back and realised what destruction I had caused. I had been behaving like a total asshole to everybody, I had ruined my relationships with my friends and family. I had stopped making music (I’m a musician). All I would do is stare at the ceiling of my bedroom all day long and stew in the toxic sludge of my own thoughts.
It’s been years since that incident. And I see what a monster I have been. I don’t deserve her friendship after what I’ve done. I was an entitled little insecure piece of shit who deserved the subsequent years of emotional anguish.
I had to change.
Last week I sent my former best friend an email telling her I was truly sorry for what happened. I wasn’t thinking. I have no excuses for what I did. It was fucked up. I apologised to him too.
I didn’t want to grow older, look back and realise that I didn’t do the right thing. The email wasn’t about asking her to forgive me and be friends with me again. It was about the remorse I felt. That I still feel, and will continue to, until I’m laid in my grave.
She called me up the other day. And now we’re taking it day by day. I did the right thing and it was worth it.
The benefits of NoFap helped recognise how my ego makes me commit terrible mistakes. NoFap helped me suck it up and be a better person.
;tldr – I fucked up one of my most important relationships, suffered for years and then overcame that shit with NoFap.
Thank you guys for being the amazing people you are. Don’t quit guys. Work on yourself and you’ll reap the benefits.
My PIED is healed. I’ve experienced all of the “super powers” at various times. The trick is utilise your time in improving yourself, and the benefits get augmented.