Sudden turnaround

Well I don’t know from where to start. I will take you back to the first time I hit puberty, I had no idea what was going on and I found the vast ocean of internet to welcome me. You know what might happen. After a few years I was in college and still an addict to porn, I used to ditch my friends in order to watch some porn and have that rush that comes with it. It all came to that point when I got diagnosed with cancer, I somehow considered that my porn addiction is linked to what got into me. I tried my hardest to stop but I failed over and over again. I remember one time I was taking the freakin’ chemo and wanking it to porn. I was miserable. I felt so bad at that time and I was unable to call anyone for help, it is considered taboo to ask someone for help with porn addiction stuff from where I come from, I was completely lost.

I know my story might sound full of failures and it looks like I had no control of my life at that time but things started to change a couple of years ago. I must mention that the NoFapAcademy helped a little bit but I relapsed while I was watching their videos and letters, I believe if no one is keeping an eye on you, you are destined to fail, or so I have thought.

I decided to make a diary of my abstinence days, you know as a mood of encouragement and I love Grey’s Anatomy so much, so I told myself that each five days of abstinence will get me one episode of Grey’s Anatomy and if I want to watch another episode I must have ten days and so forth… I must say that I failed at that too. I don’t know what gets into me when I am alone in front of the laptop screen, I just zone out and I can hear this little voice in the back of my mind telling me to stop but I chose to ignore it each and every single time.

In the middle of June this year, my mum got diagnosed with Carotid Stenosis and my sister had an ovarian torsion and I was struggling to get a job and stand on my feet, at that moment I just took a second and prayed really hard in order to be supported with a force bigger than mine because God knows I have failed so many times and it is obvious that it is not in my powers to control my addiction. And I have no idea how that happened but I have been clean ever since. I feel great and I feel so proud of myself, I must say I am afraid of relapse especially when I am alone and I reach this point every once and a while when I am so close to slip but I snap out of it luckily.

Please note that I have attached a pic of my agenda or diary or whatever it is in order to verify my story.

This is the first time I write my story and share it with someone.

At the end I would like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my story with you.


LINK – “First time sharing my story”

by KC