So, as the title says, I’ve reached 90 days the second time as well. Unfortunately my MO counter is a bit behind as I tried to keep MO without P, but after 3 weeks I decided to give that one up as well. Well, to be honest my gf helped me with that decision…anyway.
Just a few ideas that helped me:
-Just because I have an urge, it doesn’t mean that I have to do something about it instantly. Urges come and go. Do you remember every urge you had and didn’t react to it? No you don’t. That’s it, they don’t matter that much.
-Just because I feel like shit it still doesn’t mean that I have to do anything about it. Especially not PMO. I know it elevates the mood, and makes you feel good but there are like one billion other things that can do just that and they are more healthy. I have the right to feel shit. Just like the urges, they pass.
(Frickin’ culture trains us to act instantly on everything. Buy now, have now, consume now! If something hurts let’s take pills by the dozen. Fix everything immediately. Wrinkles, body weight, feeling bad, feeling good, tech stuff, sexual urges, whatever. Man, it’s just sick. No waiting anymore, no patience, no persistence…damn.)
– Real life accountability partner from the opposite sex who never had problems with PMO (means: never really used it) and who cares for you and open minded enough to let themselves educated about PMO addiction.
I admit you have to have some balls for this. You drag your shame into the light. Gives tons of power, for you don’t want to disappoint someone who cares for you. Also it’s better if the other never had pmo problems for their lifestyle can be an example how to live without PMO. Or in other terms what it’s like not having pmo in your life and still living normal.
Opposite sex is not a must, but helped me twice now. Also, good luck finding another guy who never or very rarely pmo-s. (I’m a guy as well.)
I still have 10 days until I reach my best streak, but I’m still very happy with what I got. Stay strong people!
UPDATE – Excited about getting married!
I haven’t been here for the last 5 months, but everything is going well. I’d like to share some of my experiences from the past 10 months or so, even though I signed up to NoFap 2 years ago.
If you have been here long enough, you probably bumped into my posts and you probably got tired of me saying the same things over and over again, that the first and foremost reason that I managed to keep myself clean, is the zero tolerance about P or M or O. It sounds obvious but it’s not. What I’d like you to understand, that if you let even a little P, or even a little edging into your life, you won’t reboot. Maybe you won’t totally relapse but you take unnecessary risks.
My second point is -as always have been- that you must take care of your core problem. It can be loneliness, feelings of abandonment, lack of self esteem, whatever, you must try to heal that. Sounds easy, but you probably need professional help, and you most likely won’t be able to do on your own. This is the main stumbling block for most people, as we feel ashamed about this addiction. And rightfully so. Whether you’re religious or not, the story of The Fall holds valuable knowledge to us. What was the first thing Adam did when he did something bad? He hid. He tried to cover his shame, and tried to hide from God. I think this is a core behaviour for us, humans. If we do something bad, we want to hide it. But just like in the case of Adam, as hiding didn’t do him any good, we must resist the temptation to hide like a wounded animal. That means enlisting the aid of someone you know and trust. In real life. Not just on the internet. It’s crucial. Trust me.
What you can expect in 10 months of abstinence? Wet dreams. Ups and downs. Freedom.
Wet dreams are my major complaint about the whole NoFap thing. Twice in every month, sometimes more. I don’t like them. Hopefully they will end soon.
Ups and downs are expected in your mood as well. It gives a great sense of rightful pride when you can say that you no longer watch porn and masturbate. You’ll look like a superhero. Unfortunately it’s a less like Batman and a more like Hancock, especially in the beginning, but it will get better.
But sometimes, when you are tired, or frustrated, or annoyed, the temptation will arise to alleviate it the old way. You shouldn’t expect urges to go away completely, I still have them, but they are easily resistable.
And you will have lots of freedom, and not just because the extra time you suddenly have on your hands. But you will be free to not do something that you did for a long time, and that feeling my friends, will totally worth it.
Some of you may have read my journals, but if you didn’t, I tell you that it might be a good idea, to browse it. In my first one I went for 95 days, in my second one, I don’t know, but it still lasts. Anyway, you will notice that I have had a girlfriend since Dec 9 of 2014 and as we are both devout Christians, we decided not to have sex until we get married. Now, the relationship has flourished, and we got engaged a bit more than 2 months ago, and we will get married next year. 3 weeks and a few days remain only.
I’m really excited and a bit nervous as well, as a long time has passed since I did anything sexually explicit, so I don’t know what to expect. Will the urges come back? Will I have premature ejaculation? Or the contrary? Or will everything be normal? I really hope so. I did everything within my power (and enlisted the power of Jesus as well) to get rid of PMO, and purify me as much as I can for my future wife. Now, the time has come to reap the rewards. Say goodbye to celibacy and say hello to married life.
Stay strong brothers and sisters, friends and foes. It’s really worth it.