For years I’ve wanted to be where I am today. Not free, because once an addict you’ll always have the desire to relapse, but on my way. Thanks NoFap.
For the longest time, I thought I was alone in this. And then I found NoFap (THANK YOU RELAPSE PREVENTION TOOL) and a great community of users. I’m sharing my story in case it could help anyone else. And AMA, though I might not respond immediately. I’m about to start a project here.
When I was younger, I’d had a “cool dad” who let me have Maxims then Playboys and he thought Naked News was the most interesting thing when it first came out (looking back, that’s tame). Then again, he was the same dad who cheated on my mom and ended their marriage for some slut– so maybe not the best role model. Anyway, by the time I was 12, I’d started getting into PMO. Kept it up through all through high school, using some stock of charisma to get girlfriends and get laid. It was fun, but in the end they were fleeting relationships that rarely ended without my cheating (including on the first girl I ever loved).
The popular logic (which is all the more present today) has it that nothing is bad. Do whatever you want and if it makes you happy, it’s good. Let’s be honest, that’s horse shit. Life has rules, life has limits.
Not limits like the excuses that we make to ourselves when we fail. No, you didn’t fail that test because you’re not good enough or you’re not smart enough or you’re not lucky. You failed that test because you didn’t put in enough effort to ace it. You’re not stuck in your job, never getting a promotion, never getting a raise, because you’re not good enough. You’re stuck where you are because you’re not dedicated enough to standing out and achieving what you deserve and what you were meant to– either with that company, with another, or with your own. It’s that simple. If you hit a wall, overcome it or make your peace with being mediocre. If Neil Armstrong could walk on the moon, you can get some professor to give you an A or get some HR monkey to throw you a few more bones.
But life does have limits. If you want to jump out of a plane at 15,000 feet without a parachute– you’ll die. If you plant yourself at the bottom of a pool for 3 hours– you’ll die. And if you dedicate your life to pursuing pleasure above all else– with time, you’ll die.
Sure, maybe not physically. Though you certainly won’t be your best. Mentally? How can you learn when all you’re worried about is finding the right video or beating your meat? This doesn’t only mean school, this means intellectual curiosity. You lose it when you prioritize PMO.
Socially? Sure, and we’ve all been there so I won’t waste time talking about how.
Morally? So easy. How about those changing tastes? You need more aggressive, then more violent, then more extreme. You stop seeing women as your complimentary other half and instead as an outlet for your sexual frustration… aggression… anger. You stop wanting to “make love” and instead dedicate yourself to “fucking,” if and when you get the opportunity. And that’s fine, because women are afflicted by the same social pressures that men are, so while we’re convincing ourselves that we need to borderline rape someone to enjoy sex, they’re busy convincing themselves that they’re “progressive” by wanting “him to take control.” Sorry E.L. James, 50 Shades of Gray isn’t fun, it’s a sign you’ve got a problem. Hell, it’s a sign we all have a problem.
If you read that and think I’m trying to push some agenda (I’m leaving any and all religions out of this), go back to fapping for a while and call me when you make your way down to being actually interested in beast. And then, when you convince yourself that your desires are normal, and that you’re just expressing something you never knew you had, check yourself (and mark my words).
Anyway, I’m saying this to make a point. Life has limits. Not things we can’t do, per se, but things we shouldn’t do. We shouldn’t sky dive without a parachute. We shouldn’t drown ourselves. And we shouldn’t single-mindedly pursue pleasure for its own sake. If you want to do something that’s not good for you– don’t. Simple.
And that’s why we’re here, now. We recognize that. I made that connection before I knew NoFap was a thing, way back in college. I told my girlfriend, who knew I jerked off and looked at porn. Her response to my telling her I felt had a problem? Apathy, mostly, and some of the, “No, it’s OK, it’s healthy” trash they feed you in Sex Ed. Not her fault, and I don’t mean this to speak ill of her (or her reaction) in any way. There’s no way she’d know better when that’s what the dominant culture believes is fact.
But for three years I kept it up, until I lost her and gained a child with someone else by acting like an idiot. And only through a chain of events that I can only describe as my being dragged into being the man I wanted to be, I was forced to realize that there are no do-overs. This is my life, and I need to man up.
Since that time, I’ve done just that. Amazing job, amazing house, amazing child, and and 156 days without an orgasm. I’ve edged occasionally since, which usually means both P and M, so it counts (to me) as a failure, but December 31, 2014 was the last orgasm I’ll have with myself. That’s not a goal, that’s a fact.
LINK – My Journey