I finally stopped watching porn for good. For what I know, it ruined my life for maybe 5-7 years. That combined with weed, which came around in 3-4 years ago.
At the time I thought it was the best thing to do. Little did I know that it would ruin my life. It was like living in a heaven for a moment. Painless, nice and easy. There couldn’t be anything better to do that hit this bowl and play videogames. And when the night comes, I would just fap it all and fade away in my bed. Alone. Soulless. Cold. Numb. Grey. With ease and in euphoria.
And now? Now I’ve conquered my demons and faced the reality. I was scared of it. Hell, so scared that I watched porn and masturbated all night. But nowadays things are different. I grew some balls and I realised that the reality isn’t that bad.
I can compare it to something that happened to me when I was just a kid. Its like riding a bicycle down hill, sometimes you fall, sometimes you hit your balls so bad that you cry, sometimes everything goes smoothly. In the end, youre alive, and happy even if you’r balls hurt. You’re happy that you rode that hill down. And then it’s time to find a new place to ride that bike and hit your balls again and fall over again. But this time you only try to do it better and with less ballhurting.
Nowadays I can smell the air, see things clearly and before everything, I can think! I can think so fucking clearly this makes no sense. My thoughts are like extremely hot knife cutting cold icecream.
I never trusted myself in the past, one of the reasons why not, was watching porn. I didnt feel like connecting to anybody. And that made me angry, but thats something everyone has told you. This is awesome, I feel ALIVE. I can enjoy the moment. I can feel the love for this world. Im so happy. Thanks reddit! It was hard.
In the end I could say that fapping is okay, but watching porn is sick. For me, I did not ejaculate in two or three weeks. Well of course I watched a little porn in the start but then it started to go away when I got something else to do. Got a new guitar, a piano and a flstudio. Well, I started to do littlebit of everything. Writing, gym, music, juggling.. Just no more videogames of fapping.
I tell you this, if you want to heal, you need something to do, or else you just end up watching porn and fapping. Its hard, youre addict, admit it, your brains are rewritted by porn, and you cant enjoy life like a human being should. Porn makes people walking zombies. Numb, cold, emotionless, boring, always waiting for that next dose. Like a junkie waiting for the next dose of heroin or what the fuck ever.
Also I was addicted to weed. Which I didnt admit to myself. But now I can think, Im a new man. Why would I need weed and porn, when I have everything else in life? and there is something for everyone. Libraries, gym, music, dancing, singing, meditating, yoga. You just need to figure your own thing. And its alot easier when you don’t poison your brains with porn.
Where Im from, there’s not too many female to choose from.. Feels like im exploding, I want that female company, I need it. This is new. I can already see the change in my social life and people around me are more relaxed now than when I used to watch porn. I dunno, maybe it even affects your aura.
[I fapped] Usually 1-3 times a day. Did some nasty stuff also. Thats what porn does to a human mind. lol. My porn habits wasnt that bad. Sessions usually took me 30 minutes and I didnt really edge at all. But it still affected my mind and its scary to think what it does to people who consume even more porn and do edging. Schools should talk more about this when people are growing up.
Only thing that blocks us is the lock in our minds, a wall, which has beed building up from that first porndose you’ve encoured. You do not know this until you break free, destroy that wall. And when that happens, its awesome, scary but awesome. Its something completely new. Everyone is scared of life, some people just hide it and keep it to themselves. Life is beautiful but rough.
For me I did not need a psychedelic drug drip or psychiatrist. Reddit, Elaine n. arons’s book called H.S.P, a highly sensitive person and a few right words and sentences from people I know. Then time, Hell of alot time. Im unemployed at the moment so I have all the time in the world. Took me 4 months to conquer my demons, face the reality. And now I am alive. For the first time in many years.
Thanks Reddit! Without you my eyes would still be blurry.