I was born in 1998. I first started playing video games at the age of 3. I spent most of my childhood and teenage years playing video games. I discovered fapping at the age of 7. I was doing it very frequently, and after some time it became boring. Then I discovered porn at the age of 12. I quickly got addicted to it and I am 20 years old now. In conclusion, I have been an addict my entire life.
When I started watching porn, my performance in school started going downhill. I didn’t have any friends. I always chose to go home and jerk off then play video games all day rather than to hang out with my peers. I had started getting fatter and fatter. My weight peaked at 126 kgs at the age of 18 while I was in middle school. (185 cm tall)
Every day after school I went home and slept for 3-4 hours because I didn’t get enough sleep on the previous night, then played video games. I stayed up until 2-4 am, jerked off to porn, and went to sleep until my alarm ringed at 7 am. At school I didn’t talk to anyone all day, except a few words to the person sitting next to me. Then I went home and repeated the cycle. I had severe sleep deprivation and fell asleep a lot during the day. I couldn’t focus and I couldn’t think. And I was okay with all of this. I didn’t think there was any problem with any of this. I just repeated the same routine every single day.
I first heard of nofap when I was on a vacation in June 2017. I was severely addicted to porn at this point although during my 7 years long relationship with porn it hadn’t even occured to me that this might be an addiction. This habit was so ingrained into me that I haven’t had a single negative thought about porn. I had no motivation to do anything. I didn’t want to become anything. I had no relationships. I didn’t care about my family. I had neglected my brother. I only cared about the next dopamine hit that porn so kindly provided me. My preferences were very hardcore and I have watched some extremely fucked up shit. I am not going to go into details, but after all this time, I still feel intense guilt and shame about these videos. I still have flashbacks. I wish I didn’t. I wish I could go back in time and talk to my 12 year old self to tell him where clicking on that first porn site of his life will lead him.
First I went without porn for 2 days and I already felt more motivated and my head was clearer. Then I just forgot about NoFap for a few months and kept going with my habit. I gave NoFap a try again in December 2017. After a few streaks of varying length (60 days, 120 days, 20 days, many times of 0-10 days etc. ) I am currently on day 53 of NoFap. I believe this is the time that I will quit masturbation and porn forever. That is the ultimate goal, but I am taking it 1 day at a time.
In the past 14 months I have made a lot of progress. But there is still so many problems to be fixed, my journey of Nofap is far from over. I will have to stay very strong in the upcoming months.
My results so far: I have started going to the gym and I have lost 40kgs. From 126kgs I went to 84kgs then went up to 97 by weight training.
- Acne is gone.
- Eyebags are gone.
- I have got circumcised because of phimosis. Erectile dysfunction is gone.
- I meditate every day.
- I am happier.
- Depression is almost gone.
- I have considerably less social anxiety and considerably less anxiety overall.
- I visit a therapist every week.
- I have got an official diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome and I am going to go on an ADHD check-up this year because I have a suspicion that I have ADHD as well for various reasons. I am trying to improve my social skills for the first time in my life.
- My relationship with my family is better than ever.
I go to university and I am pursuing a diploma. I work a few times every week. I read self-improvement books.
If you have read this far, thank you for listening to my story. Here are two pictures of how I looked like prior to NoFap and how I look like now.
Nofap is not a magic pill but it gives you a lot of motivation to work on yourself and fix your problems. Thanks for your attention! Have a great day! I am happy to answer any questions.